The Wolf Story
by indiechiquegeek
Summary: Tino would be happy if all he ever had was winter and the wolf that always watched him. He'd also be happy if all he ever had was summer and the boy that watched him once.
1. Chapter 1

I remember a splash of red on the snow.

I remember the twitch of a paler-than-usual finger.

I remember the press of a warm nose, the pattering of feet, and more warm spots. They were all pressed around me, first one, then three. I was terrified enough to feel one snout, but three was almost too much.

Three wolves. A whole pack, pressed up to me, sniffing me, nipping me, licking at the gushing wound that the first one had caused.

The first wolf. My weary, tired eyes sought him out as they fought to stay open. I didn't like him. He had wild blue eyes, a whitish-yellowish coat that stuck up in all directions, and he couldn't keep still. Even while he was biting at me, the rest of his body kept jumping back and forth, from side to side. And he was huge.

The second one to come, he was more relaxed. He had a brown, slightly bushy, but well-groomed coat, one that matched his chocolate eyes. He was much more calm, but still seemed a bit….playful, even as he circled me and watched me like prey.

Which, in all fairness, I supposed I was.

I was an innocent little boy, no older than eight. I remember my eyes drifting to the swing set that had been given to be for just that birthday, a week earlier. It was covered in snow now. Even though I was told I was growing, I didn't believe it. I still don't, even if I'm not quite the little boy I was then. I still get mistaken for a girl, even without the pre-pubescence of youth to explain away my lack of breasts. At least back then that could be explained.

Anyway.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to fight. I wanted to pull myself up and force my legs to take me home, my safe, warm home, that was just a few yards away. But I couldn't.

I couldn't muster up enough strength to sit up, much less run to the house. I'd lost too much blood. Much too much blood. The snow around me was stained with it, creating a pool, a pond, a river of blood. All I could do was lay there numbly, staring up at the sky, and wait for the end to come.

Eight-year-old me had never been told in so many words to be scared of the creatures that lived in the woods behind my house. There were plenty of animals to be feared, for sure- wolves, bears, foxes, deers. The list went on and on. Any animal desperate enough in the frost of winter could be a predator. That being said, we were always the ones- humans- who took over their territory. A certain respect ought to always be held for them, right? As long as I had respect for them and kept my distance, nothing could go wrong.

Then I heard more footsteps. More? Weren't two wolves enough? Even at eight, I knew that I didn't want a painful death, and two wolves were more than enough to tear me limb from limb. The large, almost white one had already proven that. The large hole in my leg had already proven that.

The two wolves that had been….nosing me, stepped back. Another came forward.

I was half-dead. A good amount of my blood was strewn on the snow around me. The crazed wolf hadn't been merciful.

But, even through my glazed eyes, I could tell that something was different about this last wolf. The way he walked, the way that he carried himself, the way the others backed off as he approached. Everything screamed 'alpha male.' A term I wasn't familiar with, but a power that I could feel.

He approached me, eyes low to the ground. Eyes the colour of a stormy sea, a churning ocean. A deep, deep blue, with more than just a hint of green. The stoic eyes studied my own purple ones, and I could do nothing but stare listlessly back.

He brought his nose closer to me and sniffed. He sniffed at my palm, at my wrist. He circled me. He pawed at my bloodied and still bleeding leg. He stared.

Then he lifted his head and made a low noise to the other wolves, and their heads snapped back up. A quiet growl was heard from the insane-looking wolf, but he stepped away from my bruised body after a long moment. The brown wolf looked intently at the leader for a bit longer, then bowed his head and also stepped away.

I continued staring at the green-eyed wolf, unable to move my head in either direction. His coat was semi-short, not as bushy as the brown wolf's admittedly boring one, nor as wild and untamed as the blonde's. It was a white, almost light blonde colour. Almost similar to the crazed. He was beautiful.

My breath caught in my throat when he looked back at me. His stormy eyes looked almost intelligent in the way that they looked me up and down, appraising me. Not like I was a meal, but as though I was worth something to him. I just stared back.

Then, just like the others, he backed away. Unlike the others, however, he watched me the whole way, his eyes never leaving mine as he slowly backed his way into the woods.

I never looked away, never turned my head, hardly even blinked until he was out of sight. Then, and only then, did I let my eyes start to flutter shut. Only then did I let myself start to fade into the blackness. But it wasn't until I heard my cousin's voice screaming out for me that I let myself totally succumb to the darkness only lit by a pair of tempest-tinted eyes.

**A/N: **Hello all! Welcome to the re-re-re-working of an old story of mine. If you look in my profile you can still see the single chapter of it that I have left, just an author's note at this point. 2011 was when I first started it, then promptly gave up. It was based on the book "Shiver," and I guess it technically still loosely is. But I haven't read the book in forever, so we'll see how closely it follows it when I start just writing what I want.  
But ya'll don't care about that. Welcome old and new readers! I have the first three chapters re-worked. The first two are short little things, then the third one is quite a bit longer because I took the third and fourth chapters of the original one and condensed them into one.  
But you don't care about that either. I'll upload the second chapter sometime tomorrow or the day after, then the third chapter probably next week. That gives me some time to work on the fourth chapter. No promises on length for that one.  
Please leave some reviews, even though I know there isn't much to work with!


	2. Chapter 2

I would see them after that.

I would see _him _after that.

Years passed, but not one winter went by where I wouldn't see that wolf at least once a week. He'd always be standing at the edge of the forest behind my house, watching. Or, at least, it felt that way. Like he was watching me.

I had a knack for simply reading or drinking coffee (yes, even at eight I drank that bitter black stuff) on our back porch. Especially during the winter- I'd always loved the cold more than the heat. The way it bit at me, the way it was so welcoming to curling up under a blanket, watching your breath billow up to the sky. The way it meant Christmas and presents and warm meals and red cheeks.

I'd tried to approach him on more than one occasion. With my hand held out and eyes even, I'd walk towards him. I don't think I scared him, and I was certainly never scared _of_ him, but I could never get close enough. Whenever I was within reaching distance, he'd just…look away. He would turn his head away. I'd stop. He would take a step back. I would slowly make my way back to the porch. Sometimes he'd stay, sometimes he wouldn't. When he did, though, he would lay back down, chin resting on his paws. He'd either watch some more, then leave, or fall asleep, and I'd end up going back inside when it got too dark to be outside. I would head up to my bedroom a few minutes, an hour later, and look out my window. He would be gone by that point. Sometimes I wondered if I'd woken him up when I left, or if it was something else.

I almost never felt safe in my own backyard without him. The memories of the crazed wolf were too much. He had come so close to ripping me to pieces the first time. I didn't want to give him another opportunity.

Still. Nine years passed, and I never touched him. We'd watch each other, but never touch each other.

Which was enough for me.

It went on like that. Nine years of hesitated watching. Sometimes he would even bring the rest of his pack, and sometimes I'd bring my cousin, or both of them.

But usually it was just the two of us. When I brought my cousins, he'd stay more on the outskirts. Pacing a bit behind the trees, watching more carefully than usual. Never approaching. I didn't like it.  
And when he brought his pack- They would do the same. He would lay down at his usual spot and watch me more closely than usual. The other two would be pacing behind trees, between trees, breaking branches beneath their paws loudly and sniffing at the cold air.

Nine years. Nine years were spent like that. He was the most important part of my winters, and the most missed parts of my summers. I never saw him during the warm months. Every summer the wolves would be gone. Maybe somewhere farther north, where they wouldn't have to shed their coats. Or maybe somewhere farther south, following whatever prey they ate. But- not just the summers. Most of the spring, too, and even some of the fall. I loved cold weather, but it was more than just the crisp air or the clear sky. It was the wolf. _My_ wolf. Winter meant long nights spent on the porch, or sitting in the snow, doing homework, reading, or just watching the sky as my wolf gazed on.

I never thought that it would mean more.

**A/N:** This one is very short, too. How are you all liking it so far? The next chapter is pretty long, so hopefully that gives you a better idea! I might wait to load it, to give me time to work on chapter four. Or I might post it sooner so you get a better idea for the story...


	3. Chapter 3

My seventeenth year as a human was the first time that Tino and I actually talked. As in, human-to-human. Face-to-face.

It was one of the hottest Scandinavian summers that I had ever been through as I sat behind the counter at the furniture shop. The heat pushed past the windows and A/C, past my skin, seeping into my bones. I tried holding onto it, soaking it in, _letting_ it sit in my marrow. I needed the hot to breathe, the same way that another me needed the cold to breathe.  
I worked in a furniture shop in the quaint business section of the town we lived in. It was a quiet job, but it paid well. I usually spent my days putting together the very furniture that I sold. I didn't talk much anyway, so it all worked out for the best. I got to move around, work with my hands, converse with people who usually held the same interests as I did every once in awhile. I wasn't stuck behind a desk, and every once in awhile, my co-workers were tolerable.

I was bent over a desk, pounding a nail into the hand-made structure, when a short buzz from the back of the store sounded to alert me that someone had entered the front. I straightened up and wiped a small bit of sweat off of my forehead. I liked the heat. I didn't like the sweating that it brought. Or the smell.

I wiped my hands on my fading jeans as I walked to the front, hammer going back into a belt loop. "Can I help you?" I mumbled. My heavy accent usually made it hard for people to talk to me for long periods of time. Or maybe it was my face. Matthias Usually had no qualms in telling me exactly how scary he thought it was.  
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the customers headed back towards the tables. The other turned to me with an emotionless, even face and dull blue eyes.

"No, thank you. We were just looking for a kitchen table." I nodded in the direction that his friend had headed in, back towards the hanging sign that read 'Tables,' and went back to my workspace. It was hotter back there, where we didn't even bother to turn on the A/C. I broke into a sweat again as soon as I entered the small space.

I didn't give the customers another thought as I set out with perfecting the desk. Everything in the store was hand-made, nailed together and sanded down right there, then put on display. It was hard work, but it paid off. There was something to be said about selling something that you had worked so hard to create. Seeing the joy that it could bring people, the memories it could help create.

Almost half an hour later, I was finishing screwing the wheels to the bottom of the desk. One last tug, then I stood up to admire my work. I wiped my forehead again. Not half bad, if I did say so myself.

There was a quiet noise behind me, someone clearing their throat. Figuring it was the emotionless boy from before, I tucked the hammer back into my belt loop before turning around.

I blinked.

And there he was.

Just…standing there in front of me was my human boy. His eyes were the same purple shade that they had always been, his hair a bit longer and in his face. But it was him. It was definitely him.

A thought briefly flashed through my mind. My eyes. Would he recognize my eyes? They were a distinct enough colour. But, then, I knew what they meant. Would he just think that it was just a coincidence, that the wolf that watched him- his eyes were exactly the same as mine? Or would he think that there was nothing to make of it, like any normal, sane person would?

I hoped he was normal.  
I hoped he wasn't normal.

I stared.

He stared.

He blinked once, then twice. Then he opened his mouth to say something, but a voice called from the front of the store. "Tino! Hurry up. Emil is waiting." We both jumped at the sudden intrusion, him letting out a quiet laugh and looking down, me running a hand through my hair. So many summers had passed with me planning out how this would go, what I would say the first time that we actually met. I wasn't exactly the most articulate with words. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, or scare him off. The latter seemed more likely.

"Sorry, my cousin…" he mumbled, looking at the floor. I nodded wordlessly and wiped my palms on my jeans again. A nervous habit.

"Can I help you?"

He looked up at me and just stared for a moment. I thought he had had trouble understanding me, as people sometimes (usually) do. Matthias teased me about it all the times, but with my accent, I couldn't help it. I had learned to speak human starting in Sweden, not Finland. It had stuck. But he blinked and shook his head, cheeks heating up in a way that would be imperceptible to anyone else.

"Er… S-sorry. Um, we're ready to check out… Up front." I nodded and followed him. I watched him walking in front of me, a long-standing habit. Watching him- it was how I passed so much time during the cold months. It only seemed natural to do it now. But now, I wasn't watching him to protect him. I wasn't watching him to keep an eye on him, or to learn his human ways. I was watching him as a human boy would watch another human boy. Well, as a human boy of my persuasion would watch another human boy.  
I slipped behind the counter and pulled the shop's smock off, covered in wood-stainer and paint. Tino's cousin held up the tag for the table that they had bought- one that I had built myself- and I scanned it.

"Nee' any help with bringing that to your car?" Really, I just wanted to spend as much time with the boy- Tino- as I could before he left. The detached boy just nodded and went back towards the table section.

I made for the break room, where I was sure that I would find Matthias napping. Really, I don't know why he even came into work most days. He hardly did anything. Still, he was useful for things like this. Heavy lifting. I quickly found him asleep with his heavy boots propped up on the table, snoring away. I gave a swift kick to the leg of his chair.

"Wake up. Ah nee' your h'lp."

His eyes flew open and he slapped his hands on the table to keep himself from toppling over. His wide blue eyes searched for a moment before landing on me, and a frown found its way onto his face.

"Whaaat?" he whined. "God, what do you need? I was busy. Couldn't you see that? Seriously, Waldy-" I winced- "you never carry your weight around here. You need my help with everything."

I rolled my eyes while he complained the whole way out to the front door. "One," I started as we approached the other two, "_you_ never do 'nything. Two," I gestured for the other end of the table. Tino and his cousin were standing by, ready to open the doors at the front of the store open for us. I did my best not to look at Tino- I knew that I'd just end up staring at him. "D'n call me th't." We hefted the table up, and Tino and his cousin led the way out to their car.

The trunk was popped, and Mathias and I struggled to lift the heavy furniture sideways into the space. When we finally finished, with no shortage of colourful words from the Danish man, I turned around, my eyes automatically searching out for Tino. He was already looking at me, but quickly turned his eyes away.

Mathias clapped me on the back. "Well then!" his loud voice boomed. I winced again. "Enjoy the table- it's hand made, y'know~" He winked at the other blue-eyed boy, and I caught a flash of…something in the boy's eyes, before they went back to blank slates.

"Thank you…" Tino said, and his eyes were back on mine again. I nodded and swallowed a bit. I wanted to hope that it was that he recognized my eyes, but at the same time, that it would be something else.

I wanted him to recognize me.

I also wanted him to like me for me, for human me. As someone he hadn't met yet. As someone he could get to know.

The two climbed into their car, and slowly backed up, then pulled away as Mathias and I watched. Once, when the car turned out of the dirt lot, I thought that I saw Tino turn in his seat and glimpse back in our direction. But then they were gone and I was only left with the feeling that it might as well have been my imagination.

My chest hurt. How did I know if I'd ever see him again? Forget the fact that we were in a small town, what assurance did I have that that wouldn't be the last time that I saw him and could talk to him? But he was gone, and the time for wondering was over, because Mathias was heading back inside, dropping hints about 'that cute blue-eyed dude,' and I had work to do.

~x~x~x~

We lived in a small town, my cousins and I.

A small town tucked into the Finnish woods, not too far from a big city, but far enough. It was one of those awful, everybody-knows-everybody-and-their-grandparents types of small town, where by just walking down the main street, you could tell a story about almost everyone that you saw.

The pretty way that the leaves changed colour brought us enough tourists in the fall, and hunting enough in the winter. In our town, you weren't a man if you didn't hunt.

I wasn't a man. Neither were Lukas or Emil, my cousins.

But we were okay with that. We didn't need to hunt- we didn't see the 'entertainment' purposes behind it, and besides, Emil was a vegetarian. We hardly ever had straight-up meat in the house. I hated the idea of hunting for sport. I hated the idea of some defenseless creature in the woods being the victim of a speeding bullet that they had no notion was possible of even existing.

I had been living with my cousins since I was fourteen, almost four years. My mother has said that she'd had no problems with me being gay, but it didn't quite go over my head that the next day was when she had brought up that it would be 'for the best' for me to live with Lukas and his little brother. I blame my father.

Anyway. I truly hated the idea of hunting. It could have been more than just my wolf's eyes, which seemed to follow me whenever I stepped into the woods. What kind of entertainment was it if an animal had to die just to get your kicks? It sickened me.

But hunting was what brought tourists, and money, to our town, so I didn't complain. At least, not until that autumn.

As the summer started fading, and the memory of the boy with the sea-green eyes grew further away (but never disappeared), fall set in. The leaves were changing, and jeans started becoming more acceptable.

I'd hoped to see the boy again, but there was no reason to go back to the furniture store, and I never saw him in town. No matter where I looked. But his eyes, I never forgot them. They were the exact colour of my wolf's. It had been months since I last saw them, and it would be months until I saw them again, but I'd recognize them anywhere. Did that make me crazy? I didn't care. They both had the most beautiful eyes that I had ever seen. I didn't know the name of the boy from the furniture store, but that didn't stop me. I was smitten.

One cold fall afternoon, near the end of October, I kicked open the front door to our house, struggling against the wind. I unwrapped my scarf and huffed; forget global warming. It wasn't even November yet, and it was freezing. Never had summer seemed so far away.

I plopped my messenger bag next to the front door and hung up my scarf and jacket. "Lukas….?" I called out as I slipped my shoes off, then headed further down the hallway.

"In here," I heard from the living room. I peeked in, and he was sitting on the couch with Emil, sipping something warm and steamy and watching the news. He threw me a glance. "Hey."

I headed for the kitchen to make myself some coffee. After the machine was brewing I went back into the living room and plopped down on the armrest of the couch. School had been unusually long and tiring that day. Maybe it was the shift in weather, but it was getting harder and harder for me to sit still and pay attention during lessons. Most of my time was spent gazing out the windows at the stormy skies, or watching the leaves shift in the constant breezes. Emil turned to me.

"Did you hear?" He was usually only a bit more expressive than his brother, unless he was angry. I turned to look at him. "Hunting season." He gestured to the television. "They're going to extend it this year so that it can start earlier." A small flash of anger went through his eyes. "Because it's gotten so cold, they figured that it couldn't hurt. That it'd be best for tourism-" he spat the word out- "and keeping the population under control."

I tilted my head. "Which population?"

Lukas blinked slowly before speaking up. "The wolves. There've been a lot more sightings this year, and they've started a lot sooner…"

He kept talking, but I couldn't hear him any more. The wolves? The ones that roamed through the forest in my backyard, brave and beautiful? People would be hunting them. People would be looking for them, traipsing quietly through the woods with silenced guns. Someone would sneak up into the trees, high and invisible, and wait. And when one wolf got too close… Would they even hear them coming?

I panicked. Of course I did- what if they shot my wolf? Or any of the others, for that matter. I even worried for the wilder one, the one that had dragged me away from my home with the intent to kill me. Or the brown-furred one, with the warm, but still distant eyes? None of them could be hurt. I couldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow it.

I was off the couch and halfway out the back door, with no idea where I was going, really, before Emil could call out, "Tino!"

I stopped, halting in the doorway. One foot in, one foot out. I was leaning heavily on the one pointing towards the woods.

"Calm down, cousin. It's only October." It was Lukas that spoke now. "They say it's only been extended to the second week of November. You have time before you go out and get yourself hurt." I opened my mouth to protest, but Lukas cut me off. "Don't even. We both know where you're going and what you're thinking."  
A flash in the forest made me turn.

My wolf. I stepped out and closed the door behind me despite my cousin's' protests. My wolf sat at the edge of the woods, down on his haunches, front paws resting in front of him as he just….sat and watched. He was staring at the back door that I had just come through, until his eyes flickered to me.  
I let out a small breath, the air turning white as soon as it left my lips and searching for salvation towards the sky.

I rolled my own purple eyes and slowly approached the edge of the deck. "Don't worry about them," I breathed out. He had never been here so early in the year. "They know when to mind their own business." This was exactly what the news anchor had been talking about. Maybe it was the change in the weather, maybe it was something else. But the wolves were never here any sooner than the second week of November, often later.

He gradually made his way up on to all four feet, and my breath caught… Then he started walking towards me. I'd never been this close, and I had certainly never touched him. But there he was, approaching me. I made my way to the end of the porch, slowly, one foot in front of the other, inch by inch. Then I took a step down. Then another. I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want him to run away. He loomed closer, ears and eyes cast downwards. I swallowed.

"Hunting season starts soon…" I heard myself say. I was mumbling, afraid for any sudden noises. We took another step closer. Then another. Then another.

Eventually, my fingers reached out to brush against his fur. When he didn't move, or even flinch, I buried all my fingers in his fur. It was just as soft as it looked. As I always thought it would be. For nine years.

With a low noise, he pressed his nose into my leg, and I lowered down to my knees. He moved his snout to my neck, and I couldn't help the quiet chuckle that escaped as his cold nose poked at the sensitive skin.

I wasn't scared. How could I be? I wrapped my arms around his neck like he was just a dog, and he whined again. For a moment, we just sat there. For a moment, I didn't care that my cousins were just inside the house, just out of view of us, maybe watching. I didn't care that, in three weeks' time, my wolf's life would be in danger. I didn't care what, or where, or who I was.

But after a minute had passed, I had to let go. A howl was heard from the dense woods, and my wolf's head turned to look in that direction. I leaned back and rested my hands on my jeans. We watched each other for a minute. Then he stood up, and he hunched over me.

I buried my hand in the gruff fur of his neck one more time. "Be safe, okay?"

~x~ ~x~ ~x~

He was right there.

I backed away slowly, watching him, listening to the sounds of Mathias calling from somewhere in the woods.

I could still smell him. His scent clung to my fur, and even though my intuition told me to forget about it, I memorized it. He smelled like coffee, and black licorice. And something else that was, as cliché as it sounded, uniquely him.

I could still feel his fingers, buried in my fur, and his face, obscured in my coat. I held on to all of it as I dashed my way through the forest. I didn't want to forget.

I couldn't forget.

**A/N:** _There we go! Hope you enjoyed the first real chapter, and can get a better feel of what the pacing and length will look like. I have the next chapter all written out, but I'll wait to post that (for real this time). Please do let me know what you think. I haven't written in forever and would love some feedback, especially on the pacing. I always feel like I write too fast._


	4. Chapter 4

The two weeks dragged on.

I had always been an anxious person- moving from place to place, never able to sit still for very long. Lukas and Emil called me out on it all the time. It bugged them to no end. Even when I was sitting, some part of me was moving. My legs, my hands, my mouth. Something about me was always twitching, moving, itching to go go go.  
But those two weeks, I found it especially impossible to sit still. School was torture. Home was torture. Anxious didn't even begin to cover how I felt. And I couldn't even put my finger on why- hunters had always made their way into our town once winter started and the hunting season began. It wasn't a new occurrence. But something about those extra fourteen days put me on high alert.  
The only time I felt any ease was when I was on my back porch. There had been some small spots of snow some nights, dusting the wood and tables and swing set. Still, I sat, I waited for my wolf to show up. And when he did, I watched him watch me. It was the only thing that put me at ease, having him there in front of me. If I could see him, nothing bad could happen. If I could see him, I could protect him the way he always seemed to protect me. If I could see him, then maybe- just maybe- nothing bad would ever happen.  
One cold night, after dinner, I was sitting outside and working on some homework while the wolf pack rolled around in some snow. The brown one had tackled the blonde-yellow one, sending snow flying everywhere. I laughed and shook my head, turning back to the problems in front of me. My wolf was just as quiet and patient as ever, laying particularly close to the steps leading onto the porch and into the house. Not touching it, of course. But close.  
I heard the sliding door to the kitchen open, and Emil stepped outside. I looked up at him, smiling easily.  
"Hei, Emil! What brings you out here?" I looked down and noticed two steaming mugs in his hands, and I couldn't help but let out a grateful chuckle. You could only write so many algorithms with gloves on before it got a little difficult.  
"Kiitos!" I grabbed the mug that was handed to me and took a careful sip. Peppermint hot chocolate- my favourite.  
"You're welcome. What are you working on now?" He took the seat across the table from me, scooting the chair in all the way before sitting down.

"Mm, just some math. Having some troubles, though." I chuckled again, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. "You know me. I have an _irrational_ fear." I fake nudged him, and a tiny smile cracked his lips.  
"Ha. Hilarious. Any particular reason you're doing your homework in the freezing cold when me and my brother are so graciously paying a bill for heating?"  
I pouted. "It's not freezing! It's…" I checked my phone. "6 degrees! Nice and toasty!" Still. My hands might have been going a little numb.  
Emil raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed and turned back to the woods. The wolves were gone, likely scared off by the intruder. It was for the best anyway- it was starting to get dark.  
"Alright, alright. Fair enough. You caught me." I started packing up my stuff- I needed a break anyway.  
We shuffled inside, and I dumped my homework on the kitchen table before slipping off my boots. I could see Lukas's feet propped up on the living room table and heard the news playing on the television. I turned back to Emil and leaned against the table, warm mug working its way through the frostbite in my hands.  
He was watching me carefully, as he had been for the past few days. He always had a quiet disposition, rather similar to his brother. But unlike Lukas, who always seemed like he could break that silence in a moment to speak his mind, Emil's silence went much deeper. It was so much harder to read him sometimes. Lukas played cool, calm, and collected, but sometimes it was so easy to read the emotions on his face, even when he hadn't said a word. Emil wasn't so easy.  
"Something on your mind there, cousin?" I gave him a playfully challenging look. He shook his head in return.  
"Just the usual. How are you doing?" I knew he didn't mean school-wise. I shrugged.  
"Could be better. Could be worse. I'm worried, of course. But there's not too much I can do about it right now. I can only wait and hope for the best."

Emil nodded and watched the hot chocolate in his mug for a moment. There was another difference between him and his brother. They were both understanding, of course. To a point. Sometimes Lukas thought I was over-dramatic. Or maybe crazy was the word. He didn't totally understand my obsession with these creatures.  
And neither did Emil. But he tried harder and was a bit more patient with me. He knew what I had been through nine years earlier, but he also knew instincts were instincts. Animals had to survive, too, and though of course he didn't enjoy me being the target of their attack, he didn't hold it against them, either. Sometimes it felt like Lukas did.

"There isn't much you can do about it, no. But you've got a strong head on your shoulders, despite what some people might think." I rolled my eyes. "You should know they've got their best interests in mind. Their survival. They won't do anything stupid. They can't- they've got you to worry about."

I bit my lip and looked outside. The sun had started disappearing through the trees while we talked and was casting long shadows through the back yard. Somewhere a few yards into the woods, I saw a shift, but nothing more.

"I know, survival of the fittest and all that. They're smart, so hopefully they'll be alright."

Emil nodded one last time before shuffling off to join his brother on the couch. I kept my eyes on the back door for another moment, before turning on the porch light and heading to plop my own behind down.

~x~x~x~

It was a Friday night when the first four-wheelers drove in. We could hear them, our ears perking up despite the several miles that likely stood between us and the vehicles. Leon and Matthias had been seeing who could leave a deeper bite mark in a tree trunk when we heard them.

We had spent the day exploring a bit deeper into the Scandinavian woods surrounding the town. We knew- we had heard around- that the hunters were coming early this year. It usually wasn't a problem. We either hid deep, deep in the trees where no one would bother to go, or we left altogether. But that was usually annoying, and meant a few sleepless nights while we got our bearings and tried to find somewhere far enough that we could still hunt while not being hunted ourselves.  
This year we had decided early on to stay. Staying meant getting back to normal as soon as possible. Hunting season could only last so long.

It sort of took us by surprise that we could hear them coming so soon. No one had really been keeping track of the exact days, so it only made sense we'd lost track of time. Still, we were somewhat prepared. Matthias and Leon pulled themselves off the ground, and we started our mad dash deeper into the trees.

I usually loved the run- being able to totally leave myself behind and focus on nothing but my feet hitting the ground and pushing me forward, faster and faster and faster until I either couldn't run any farther or any longer. My feet always took me to where I needed to be most. When I ran, I could ignore everything else. I could trust they would take me where I was supposed to be.

But tonight I had to worry. I couldn't leave myself behind. I needed extra strength and speed, an extra two weeks' worth. I could hear the other two behind me, keeping up well enough that I didn't need to worry.

We ran until we were about five miles deep. We stopped for a short break, and once the breathing had evened out, we listened. Ears perked forward, we turned, crunching the snow beneath our paws. As a pack, we listened.

Some wheels churning through snow was all there was to be heard. But that was even further back, seven to ten miles away. It would take them at least an hour to reach us. We were safe enough for now.  
Matthias went to find something to eat, and Leon went to find something to drink. I stood right where I was, still listening for a moment longer. I wanted to be extra safe this winter. I always was, of course, year after year. I knew how to take care of myself, and when it came down to it, my pack as well. But I needed to survive until summer.

Matthias returned first, two rabbits caught between his teeth. He threw one at me then dug into his own. Leon came not too long after with his own dinner, and we sat in silence while we ate and listened and ate and listened and ate and listened.

This wasn't a part of the woods familiar to any of us, but it seemed to stretch on for miles. At a certain point, all trees just start blurring together and looking the same. Miles and miles of forest could only keep your interest for so long before you figured you were safe enough.  
We had just almost finished eating when we heard the first twig snap.

Everyone went quiet, pausing their cleaning and licking and yawning. Ears swiveled around, and we heard it again.

I saw a shift between the trees, and turned my head. There was a loud _bang!_, and an odd sort of whizzing by my right ear. We didn't stick around long after that, all three of us scrambling up and dashing back the way we had come. There was another loud crack of what sounded like thunder, or maybe a firework, and once again a whizzing noise went by, this time farther to my left, where Matthias was trying to keep up.  
He let out a yelping noise, but didn't let it slow him down. I went faster, pushing myself harder, harder, until we were far out of range. We left our meals and safe spot behind as we ran back towards town. Deeper and deeper we went, but the further we went, the thinner the trees spaced out. We were closer to the town center than we had been when we set out, but we'd find our way back to another safe spot closer here than anywhere else. It was harder to hear the snapping of a twig or the crunch of snow when there were so many other noises to pay attention to, for sure, but not many hunters like waving guns around so close to other people.  
We stopped about a mile out of town.  
Matthias was pacing in a circle, tail between his legs and whining. There was some blood dripping from a rip in his ear, but it didn't look too terrible. Leon was sitting at the edge of a small fairy ring, keeping watch or just catching his breath, I didn't know.

Hopefully both.

We had been sitting there for maybe five minutes when we heard another crack of a fallen branch. But it was too late at that point.

I saw, almost in slow motion, Leon's and Matthias's heads turn towards me. My own ears, of their own accord, pressed down closer to my head. My haunches went up. My snout twitched.  
There was another boom of thunder, so loud that my eardrums hurt.  
And then my shoulder hurt. And then my whole body hurt.  
And then my whole body was on fire, as the bullet tore through me, knocking me over with the force of it. I landed in the dirt, and felt the warmth starting to seep out of my body and pool beneath me. It was such a strange sensation, and I think if I hadn't been so shocked, I would have been angry. I would have raged that this hunter had not only put me in danger, but my whole pack. That he would dare chase after us for sport, for pleasure.  
But I couldn't be angry. I could only lay there and watch as Matthias jumped over my limp body and made straight for the man, tackling him down before he could get another shot out. Leon was hovering over me as my whole body shuddered and I had to struggle to breathe.  
Is this what dying felt like? I could only imagine. I felt the blood still seeping out of me. I could feel my lungs struggling to fill themselves. And I could feel a hard lump in my shoulder, shifting every time I shuddered. I could feel the bullet still inside me.

Matthias had the man on the ground, gun knocked out of his hands. Leon had to call out to him before he ripped his throat out.  
Though my vision was starting to blur, I felt each one of them grab one of my legs. I felt my side dragging along the cold ground.  
Then I remember nothing.

**A/N: **Nice.

Alright this chapter is pretty short but I've already finished the next one and it's significantly longer. I think I'm going to try updating on Wednesdays.


	5. Chapter 5

I had been out that day, at school then running an errand afterwords. It was a Friday, and so many people were out and about starting to get their weekend chores done that I had to stop and chat to what seemed like the entire population of our town. The afternoon dragged on, and what should have taken a few short hours after school ended up lasting until dinner time.

Emil was the only one home when blood was smeared into our backyard. I got there shortly after, and he was standing in the kitchen alcove, arms crossed over his chest and face grim. That's how you know something is wrong with him, when he's making no attempt to cover the emotion on his face.  
I placed my school and grocery bags on the ground and carefully approached him. "Emil? What's wrong, cousin?"

He made no sign that he had heard me, or even really seen me. There was a pause, a long silence in which the knots in my stomach started tugging at each other, getting tighter and tighter, crawling into my chest where they sat. They sat heavily, weighing me down. And I didn't even know why.

Then he looked up at me. His eyes were flat, but churning at the same time.

"The wolves are back. They... Something happened."

My eyes shot to the back door, to the porch. My first thought was that they had never come this close. They had never actually sat on the property, much less the back porch. I was always there, so I figured they never would be. They'd always kept their distance.

But now, I could see the two wolves pacing on the wood, back and forth, around in a circle, around... Something. I couldn't quite see what.

"What is it? What happened?"  
Emil didn't answer me. Of course he didn't. So I pushed past him and opened the back door. The two wolves were the chocolate one and the hyper one. My wolf was nowhere to be seen.

I still couldn't see what they were pacing around, they were so protective, stepping over it, walking circles around it, nosing at it.

"What is it?"

I jumped at my cousin's voice in my ear. "I have no idea. They won't let me see, but there's blood..." I still didn't know what was happening. Had they brought me something they had hunted? I almost laughed at the idea. Just like a house cat, bringing home a dead mouse because it wanted to feed you, it wanted to show you what a good job it could do of killing. For some reason, I didn't think this was quite the same thing.

But there was blood- so much of it. A thin trail started by the woods, making its way closer, until it started to pool under...whatever it was, seeping into the wood and between the cracks.

I took a step closer, and both wolves stopped where they were.

I took another step, and they made no sign of moving. But they also made no sign of wanting to jump on me and rip my throat out, so I supposed that was good. I stepped in even closer, pushing between them. My breath caught in my throat.

Right there on my own back porch was a naked boy. I couldn't see his face- he was on his side, facing away from me- but I could at least recognize it was a boy. Or maybe he was more of a man. He was well built, with strong shoulders and a strong frame. Everything about him screamed "strong." Except for the bloody hole in his shoulder. I leaned down, trying not to think about why this person was here, on my back porch, with these creatures. It wasn't just any wound, either- it was a bullet hole. He had been shot.

My eyebrows furrowed up. Had he been out in the woods while the hunters were out there? In all fairness, anyone with half a brain should have known better. A lot of the tourists here could get a little stir crazy the first week of hunting season. It had never been a problem before, they always kept their distance from the town. But no one had ever been shot before. There was a first time for everything.

None of which explained why this particular person was here, at my house, with these wolves. "Emil, go grab some towels..." I grabbed his arm and tried to roll him over without causing any unnecessary pain. Which seemed pointless- he was, apparently, out cold. Hopefully. Hopefully, he wasn't dead.

My breath caught for the second- and what I figured wouldn't be the last- time that night. Because there, very much so at my house and very much so naked on my property, was the boy from the furniture store from over the summer. I couldn't forget his face, even if he wasn't currently wearing his glasses and he wasn't currently actually awake. I couldn't forget him.

He let out a small groan, but that was it. No other indications that he was waking up. Emil came back out with a towel, and I laid it underneath the boy's- man's?- shoulder to soak up the blood and hopefully slow down the bleeding. "We have to get him to a hospital."

My cousin just nodded, taking it all in stride and going inside to get the car keys. Neither one of us knew what was happening, but I knew- if nothing else- that I had to keep this boy alive. Surely even the wolves had to know that, if they had brought him here alive. I still didn't know what the connection was between him and them. Or where my wolf was during all of this.

The other two were still pacing, still keeping watch. No one's throat had been torn out yet, so it could have been worse, I supposed.

"He needs to get to a hospital. That's where we're going to take him. I promise he'll be safe, okay?" I was sure they couldn't understand me, but I needed to hear myself say it. I needed to know that I was going to do all that I could to make sure he was safe and alive and breathing. I still had no idea who he was, either, but that didn't make any difference. Emil came back, and I flushed deep when I saw the pile of clothes that he was carrying. I had completely forgotten- or chose to ignore- the state of nudity the other was in. Minutes later, Emil shifted to help me lift him up, and we carefully carried him to the car- someone would have to explain to Lukas what that trail of blood through the kitchen and living room and out the front door was.

Emil and I laid him down across the backseat, blanket under him to keep the blood from seeping through his clothes and leaving a crime scene in our backseat. I crouched in the back with him as my cousin sped through town, all the way to the other end where the county hospital was.

I spoke to him the whole time, clutching to his hand and babbling words until I didn't know what I was talking about or how I got to that topic. Mostly, I tried telling him he'd be okay, that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him, and when we finally got to the hospital twenty minutes later, I told him that everything was alright now, that he'd be okay again soon.

This time, we didn't have to carry him out by ourselves. Emil got a few doctors to follow him out and carry him. I couldn't help. I was still sitting in the back sit, wiping the blood off my hands onto my jeans and trying to make myself stop crying. I didn't remember starting.

It must have been a half hour later that Emil finally came out to get me. Knowing how upset and shaken I was, he told me first and foremost that he was going to be okay.

"They're going to ask you a lot of questions, Tino. Number one is going to be exactly who he is." I nodded numbly. Emil was handling this a whole hell of a lot better than I was. "I need you to do me a favor and not lie." I looked up at him. "I also need you to do me an even bigger favor and not tell them the whole truth. I know what you're thinking, even if you don't. I need you to tell them as little as possible." My whole face screwed up in a confused expression. Something that I didn't know that I knew?

Emil nodded, patting my shoulder, before grabbing it and hauling me out of the car and to my feet. I was still in a state of shock, but the good talking-to made me at least realize that I couldn't just sit in the car all night. I had to help as much as possible. And that meant actually going inside, plopping myself down in the waiting room, and answering as many questions as I could about the half-dead man I had just dragged inside.  
No, I didn't know his name. Yes, I had seen him before. No, I didn't know if he had a family. Yes, I knew he worked somewhere. No, I wasn't his next of kin. Yes, I could sign all his paperwork.

Once we were done playing twenty questions, the doctor disappeared again. Emil sat back down next to me and handed me a cup of coffee from two floors below us.

"They were saying before that he should be fine. They're just trying to pull the bullet back out. They still have no idea how he got it- it looks like one of the bullets that the hunters usually use- or where he was. I told them we had no idea how he found our house, but that it was close to the woods so he might have just wandered." I nodded at it all, taking it in just as numbly as before. He was going to be alright, and that was all that mattered.

"They said he's running a fever, too, which is what they're worried most about. He should be going through hypothermia at this point, but he has a fever of 39 degrees..."

That seemed odd. But then, I had no idea how long he had been outside for. How cold was it outside, anyway? I hadn't noticed. I was too preoccupied.

Almost two hours later, a nurse came out. He seemed nice enough, professional. But the way he spoke about the boy made me uncomfortable. He seemed suspicious, almost. Like he didn't believe our story. That was fine- I didn't believe our story, either. I didn't know what to believe.

He shuffled me off to the boy's room while Emil stayed back and talked to another nurse. "The doctor will be in shortly to speak with you. His temperature is still high, but his fever might break soon. We don't expect him to wake up before then. If he does, you contact one of us immediately, is that clear?"

I opened my mouth to say something, yes it was clear, thank you very much, but he was already leaving.

I let out a huff and went to sit down in the chair next to the boy's bed. He was definitely unconscious, that much was certain. I sat quietly, still. His chest was rising and falling gently, and every cliché I could think of came to mind- he really did look like he could just be sleeping. He didn't look like he was in any pain. I didn't want him to be in any pain.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and continued watching him. I remembered the short encounter we had over the summer- and the complete idiot I had made of myself meanwhile. He had just been so gorgeous, I couldn't seem to string any coherent words together to make sentences. The ones I did form were short, stuttered, and irrelevant. I had chastised myself the entire way home, much to Lukas's discontent. He thought I had acted perfectly normally, just like myself. Of course, me acting like myself was never a good thing. Only my cousins knew better than to judge me for the complete spaz that I was. Which was why it was such a tragedy that that was exactly what I had done that day.

But he was here. And hey, this time he couldn't run away, right? At least, not while he was unconscious in the hospital bed. I chuckled to myself.

"Whats so funny?"

I jumped out of my chair, head turning from unconscious boy to very conscious doctor. She was tall enough as it was, standing at least a foot and a half above me. The high heels that were clicking against the linoleum floor just added to that.

But she looked friendly, warm and intelligent. Her hair was tied up in a bun sitting on the back of her head, glasses framing her face, typical white, sterile coat wrapped around her. The whole imagine seemed to suit her very well.

"My name is Doctor Héderváry. I'm here to check in on your friend and see if I can get any more information." She stuck out her hand. "Does that sound alright to you?"  
I nodded and took her hand, shaking it weakly. Still, she put my nerves at ease. "Sounds fine. I just honestly don't know how much help I can be."  
She smiled sweetly. "That's fine. Any answers what so ever would be very helpful to us at this point. Now, I want to review some of the things you told the nurse when you first checked in. Of course, you've said that you have no idea who this boy is?"  
I bit my lip and nodded, then looked back to the boy. "That's correct. I don't know his name."

"But you've seen him before?"

"I have. He was working in a furniture shop over the summer when me and my cousins needed a new table. I recognized him when I found him on my back porch, but that was the only reason why. I don't know his name, or where he lives, or if he has any family. I don't know anything about him..."  
"That's fine." I looked up at her, and she was smiling again. "You obviously cared enough to bring him here and make sure he was alright, and that's all that matters at this point. The bullet that the surgeon pulled out seems to be from a hunting riffle. Any thoughts?"

Once again, I nodded numbly. "There are a lot of hunters near our area. Hunting season started early this year- but I'm sure you already knew that." She seemed the type of person who watched the news every night. "So...maybe he didn't? Know it, I mean. Maybe he got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, and just so happened to drag himself to my house?"

She watched me, then turned to the bed. "It's entirely possible. We only have ideas at this point, and that's definitely one of them. It would just be so much easier to have this all sorted out if we had at least one missing piece to the puzzle." She looked down at her clipboard, then flipped a few pages. "Either way, we expect him to be awake before the morning. You'll let us know if you're here when that happens, won't you?"

I smiled up at her. "Of course!"

Her face melted into a soft expression, and she reached an arm up to pat the top of my head. I might have felt defensive if it were anyone else that had done it, but with her, it just felt motherly.

"You have my thanks, Tino. Take good care of your new friend, alright?" She winked, and with a turn of her coat and the clicking of her heels, she was gone.

I sat back down in the chair, suddenly exhausted. I realized just how little I knew. It had been running through my head all night, echoing off the inside of my skull. Where had he come from? What had happened to him? What did he have to do with the rest of the pack?

What was his name?

~x~x~x~

I heard a voice that I tried to reach out to.

I heard a voice that, no matter how far I reached, I couldn't touch.

All I felt was blackness. All I heard, smelled, saw, was blackness. It was weighing down on my chest, on my arms and my legs and my head, so that no matter how much I struggled, I just couldn't move. Not an inch, not any part of me. I couldn't move at all.

But I could feel something, burried beneath the blackness. I felt a pulling, a tugging, a heat. I couldn't tell where. I didn't know where my head was and where my feet were. I didn't know if I was upside down or on my side. I didn't know anything but the blackness.

But then there was the voice. It called to me, telling me to wake up, to sit up and protect it. I didn't know what it was saying, but I know what it meant.

I thought about Tino. When was the last time I had seen him? It felt like forever. At the same time, it felt like I always saw him. In the trees, in the snow, in a fallen pine cone. He was everywhere, and nowhere. I saw him all the time, but not often enough. I could be with him constantly, and it wouldn't be enough.

He was my past, and I wanted him to be my future.

~x~x~x~

I think I had fallen asleep. I must have, because when I finally heard the groaning next to me, my head was on the mattress, and there just might have been some drool involved. I didn't know what the sound was at fist, but then I heard it again. I lifted my head and wiped my face clean, rubbed at my eyes, and took a moment to remember where I was.

But then the boy next to me lifted his hand to his head, and I was back in the present.

I wanted to go grab a doctor, a nurse, anyone- but I waited. Heart thumping heavily in my chest, I paused.

He opened his eyes as blearily as I had a moment earlier, almost squinting. My stomach flipped. I reached for his glasses on the bedside table, handing them over to him.

"Here, you might need these..."

He jumped at my voice, apparently as surprised for someone to be there as I was to find a naked boy on my back porch after school. He reached for the glasses in my outstretched hand, slipped them on, took a quick glance around the room, then finally turned to me.

My stomach flipped for the second time. His eyes were everything I had remembered, and more. Was it selfish to be thinking that while he was in the hospital with a bullet wound?

He seemed just as stunned, lips parting the slightest bit in surprise but not saying one word. I watched him like this for another minute- my own eyes were probably a little wide. He was right here, finally right in front of me again. And I had no idea what to say.

He spoke up first, apparently trying to get over his surprise. "...Tino?"

That just shook me up all over again. I had no idea he knew who I was, much less my name. But it made me happy. Did that mean he remembered me from over the summer? That meant he remembered me and my cousin calling out to me. Such a small detail, but he still remembered it months later.

I nodded, cheeks turning pink. Shit that was embarrassing- I hoped he didn't notice.

"Y-Yeah." I hoped he also didn't notice the nervous stutter. "I'm sorry, I don't think I ever got your name..." That was probably the worst part. Despite all of this and the months of pining, I had no idea who he was. It seemed romantic at first- now it was just mortifying.

But he just chuckled. "Berwald." He watched me another moment, and I squirmed and turned a more forceful shade of pink under his scrutiny.

"Tino... What happened?"

I sighed at that and stood up. I went to grab my phone, which I had left on the other side of the room, charging. I don't know why I had such a hard time looking at him for more than a moment. He made my thoughts turn fuzzy so I couldn't concentrate. And I needed to concentrate.

"I got home from school and you were in my back yard, on my porch... My cousin Emil found you, but...there were two wolves pacing around you." I glanced back at him, and he was staring at his hands in his lap. His fingers were slowly squeezing and releasing the bed sheet, then starting all over again. "We had to drag you through the house to get you into the car... There was blood everywhere. We rushed you here. The doctors said you had been shot in the shoulder, it looks like from a hunting riffle. But we couldn't tell them anything more, and they couldn't tell us anything more... Because no one knows."

Again, I watched him. I watched him because he wasn't watching me, and it was easier that way. After a long, long silence, he very subtly released the sheets, relaxed his hands, and glanced up at me.

"Can we ge' out of here?"

I let out a relieved sigh. At least he hadn't been mad that we had brought him here in the first place.

"I mean, we can try. I don't know if they'll let me check you out..."

He raised an eyebrow, and I groaned. Was it possible to go one minute without making an idiot of myself? "Out of the hospital! Shush!"

He shook his head. "I... I need t' leave. Please..." He looked at me, and I finally looked back.

I let out yet another sigh and threw my arms up. "Fine! But if we get caught I'm blaming you!" I pointed at him, and his lips twitched up into a small smile, almost.

While I was still standing, I went to the door and looked out into the hallway. It must have been some time during the night, because there were maybe half as many nurses. Also, all the windows were dark. So.

"Mmkay." I popped my head back in, and Berwald was watching me curiously. Berwald. The name suited him. Strong and silent. "We brought you in in some of Lukas's bigger clothes. I'm sure you'd rather wear that than..." Whatever that hospital gown was. I gestured to it.

He just blinked and looked down at himself. "Why was I wearin' someone else's clothes...?"

Shit. "Uh. Well, when we found you, you were sort of...totally naked." I rubbed at the back of my neck.

It was Berwald's turn to go pink. I had to admit, it was a strange look on him. Strange, but cute.

"I... I see." He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed, facing away from me.

"But- But we didn't see anything! Emil got you dressed, not me!" Nice one, Tino. Nice cover.

He shrugged once more. "I... I don't mind." He cleared his throat. "But, ah... Maybe you coul' watch the door while I get changed?"

Yes. Way to go and use your head, Tino. I nodded and turned my back, shutting the door some behind me. While I waited, I pulled out my phone and checked. Two missed calls from Emil, one from Lukas. I called the house.  
"Hello?"

It was Lukas. I hadn't spoken to him since the day before, before I left for school in the morning. "Hey, Lukas. It's Tino."  
"Tino!" I heard him cover the mouth piece, muffling his shout to Emil. "Tino, we're so sorry we left you there. But you fell asleep, and Emil had to come help me clean up the house. We figured you had it handled..."  
I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, my neck is a little sore because no one bothered to try waking me up, but other than that I'm fine." I tried to sound angry, but it just didn't work. "Listen, we're leaving soon, okay?"

The other line went quiet for a moment.  
"...we?"

I leaned against the wall behind me. "Yeah, we." The door opened, and Berwald came shuffling out, fully clothed except for the lack of shoes. The clothes were a little small- seeing as the belonged to Lukas, who was at least half a foot smaller than him- but they were extra large, and more of comfort clothes for a rainy day. They suited him perfectly fine for now. "Berwald and I." He looked over at the mention of his name.  
"Tino, I don't-"

"I know, Lukas. But what other choice do we have right now? At least just for the night." I heard a frustrated sigh on the other side. That was a familiar enough sound.

"Fine, for the night. Do you have any idea what time it is, by the way? Good luck getting out of the hospital now."  
"Yeah, well... We'll figure something out."

"I'm sure you will. We left you the car, so just drive safe, alright?" He hung up, and I turned to Berwald as I stuffed the phone back in my pocket. I gave him a small smile.

"Well... Any ideas?"

He shook his head and took a step in closer. I enjoyed the proximity, but it wasn't making it any easier to think.

I didn't even try to move.

"No' really. How har' can it be, though? 'm sure everyone has better things to be worried abou'."  
I nodded. I sure hoped that was true. I sure hoped we didn't get caught sneaking out of the hospital, one of us with their shoulder all wrapped up from a bullet wound.

We walked down the hallway, looking as casual as possible. Well, as casual as we could be. Berwald was a bit too...big to be totally inconspicuous, and though quite a few nurses paused their paperwork to look up at him, no one said anything. Either they didn't know to be suspicious, or they were too intimidated to say anything. And if I was lucky, no one even noticed me standing next to him, almost a full foot shorter.

In fact, we were almost out the door before anyone said anything.  
"Hold on!"  
We both froze, and I slowly turned on my heel.

Sitting at a desk right by the front door was an older man, but not too old. Definitely still physically fit. Could easily take me down if I had to run. "You have to sign out if you were visiting after hours."  
I let out a sigh of relief, and shuffled back to him, leaning over the desk and grabbing a pen. "Sorry! We fell asleep waiting. Totally forgot!" Berwald waited behind me, staying silent.  
"That's fine, happens all the time. But we just have our precautions."

"Of course!" I straightened up and handed the pen to Berwald, who took it and scribbled something unintelligible on the sheet- it could have been his name, it could have been the president's signature, for all I knew. "Have a good night!"

We walked outside. It was still a little chilly out, but it could have been much worse. Still, Berwald rubbed his hands together and tried to bury himself in the clothes. I tugged on his sleeve and pulled him towards the car.

"It's about a twenty minute drive back home. Are you cold...? We can turn on the heater if you are-" I fretted over him, opening the car door for him and shuffling to my own side, turning the car on quickly if only to get the heat turned on. "I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be this cold or I would have grabbed you a sweater, too-"

Berwald put his hands in front of one of the heat vents. "Tino, yer fine. It's fine. 's just...a little cold, is all."

I nodded and focused on getting us back to my home. After a few minutes of quiet driving, I glanced over at Berwald. He was already watching me. But whereas I turned away as quickly as I could, I could feel him still watching me. He made no indication of doing otherwise.

I fidgeted, gripping the steering wheel in my hands. Now that we weren't in the hospital, and it wasn't quite as shameful to be thinking about anything but Berwald's well-being, I thought again about that boy I had become infatuated with over the summer, despite knowing him for such a short amount of time. This was the same boy, but now that he was sitting next to me, coming to my house, it seemed shallow to call it infatuation. I had a strange feeling about him, one that Emil may or may not have started picking up on the day before. Is that what he meant- that he knew what I was thinking before I did? I just got a strange sense from Berwald. Like there was so much more to him than I could hope to know at this point. And I thought I knew what some of that was. But I was too scared to say any of it on my own.

Once it was out loud, I couldn't take it back. So I had to be careful.

But none of that changed the fluttering I felt in my stomach, or the pink in my cheeks, I knew that much. Infatuation didn't even feel like the right word any more. Berwald was more than an infatuation. He deserved more than infatuation. He was so, so much more.

But how much more?

**A/N: **There we go that wasn't so bad now was it. Next update might take a bit longer, I'm not so sure. I haven't started it yet- I usually have at least a chapter written up when I post the one before it. But I've been swamped this week. I was going to at least start it last night, but I ended up having to work some bullshit short shift to cover for someone else.  
Also, I'd like to thank whichever user (that wasn't signed in) that pointed out me swapping Leon and Emil's names last chapter. Whoops!

Review?


	6. Chapter 6

By the time we pulled into the driveway, it looked like the sun was almost ready to peek up in the sky. I think we were both pretty exhausted, despite the hours of sleep we had both fell victim to while still in the hospital. I know I hadn't gotten the best sleep, and I could only guess the same for Berwald. He had been unconscious for quite a few hours, after all. I could only imagine how exhausting that could be.

I stopped the car and pulled the keys out of the ignition. I let out a sigh. I looked over at Berwald.

Again, he was already looking at me. But I just smiled this time, a tired smile that I know didn't quite reach my eyes. There was just too much going on in my head.

"I think we're both ready for a nap. Don't you think so?"

He snorted and nodded, unbuckling himself. He climbed out of the hatchback, and I followed. We walked the driveway up to the house, and I slowly, quietly unlocked the house, flinching when it loudly clicked anyway.

I peeked my head through the doorway and glanced in every which direction for an angry cousin or a flying shoe. When I saw neither, I opened the door all the way and shuffled in. I could only hope that they had both gone to bed and hadn't waited up for us.

As we made our way through the living room, I saw no obvious signs of the blood that had covered the floor when we left half a day earlier. Again I thought of poor Lukas, coming home from work and seeing a blood trail going through our living room. Oops.

"Well, you've got a few options." I yawned and stretched my arms over my head, trying to work out the kinks in my neck and shoulders from sleeping weird at the hospital. "You can either share my bed, sleep on my floor, or crash on the couch." I plopped my bag on the floor.

He simply nodded, then shrugged, then seemed to give it some thought. "I... I can jus' sleep on the floor. If you don't mind."

I smiled, but I tried not to let him see. "Of course I don't mind, silly. I wouldn't have offered if I minded."  
We climbed the stairs, Berwald following close behind me. The house was warm, the heat kicking on sometime during the chilled night. It enveloped me in a deeper sense of drowsiness and I started itching to climb back into bed.

But I had Berwald to worry about first. "There's a shower down the hallway, if you think you need one. I'll grab you an extra mattress and some blankets." I cracked open my bedroom door and stepped in. Berwald followed a little more cautiously.

"Make yourself comfy, I have to go grab the stuff from the hallway closet." I shuffled back out, past him and into the hallway to pull out his blankets and an air mattress that I'd have to fill. It wasn't the comfiest thing in the world, but it was only temporary. In theory.

How long would Berwald be staying here? Did he even have anywhere else to go? The thought hurt my heart. But why wouldn't he have somewhere to go? Then again, why would he have just followed me home, no questions asked, if he didn't have a place of his own?

I hoped he had a place to stay. I also hoped he was here to stay for awhile.

Quite awhile.

I grabbed the blankets and the mattress, along with the pump to blow it up, and shuffled back into my room. Berwald was right where I had left him, looking around the room. He looked embarrassed at being caught. I just laughed.  
"You can look around if you want. I have nothing to hide."

He looked unsure, but I made a waving motion at him that got him to slowly move, glancing at the walls first and the few posters that I had hanging on them. He moved to the bed and sat down, bouncing a few times and glancing at the sheets.

I wanted to start talking with him, wanted to ask him all the questions that had been pestering me and more. But I had no idea where to start. I didn't know what to bring up first. Start slow, or go all in? Start with his likes, his dislikes, what music he listened to- or what he did in the winter when it got cold, when the snow settled in and nipped at his skin?

"I... I like your Moomins poster..."

I almost jumped out of my skin but willed my heart to slow back down. Berwald just didn't seem like the type to start a conversation- so it had startled me.

I chuckled and hooked the pump up to the mattress. It quietly started to fill.

"Heh, yeah." I rubbed at the back of my neck and tried not to get embarrassed for the umpteenth time. "I loved them when I was a little kid. I guess I just never grew up, huh?"

His eyes were lit up in amusement and the very corners of his lips were pulled up. I was starting to recognize this as a smile- Berwald wasn't exactly the most expressive boy.

"'s alright. Sometimes we don't nee' to grow up all the way."

I nodded with my own smile. The mattress was halfway blown up.

"Tino..."

I jumped again. Berwald really needed to make more noise. He sat down on the floor beside me and pulled his knees up to his chest. It was a strange look for the boy who no doubt broke 180 centimeters. But somehow, it was incredibly endearing.

"Berwald." I tried giving him a stern look, but his beat mine. And I couldn't stare into those green-blue eyes nearly as long as he apparently could look into my violet ones. I looked away.

"Tino, we need t' talk..."

I sighed and nodded yet again. "I know, I just... I have no idea where to start," I admitted. He seemed to be having the same problem, because he just furrowed up his eyebrows and rested his chin on the top of his knees, staring at a fixed point across the room. I stretched out my legs and joined him.  
After a few minutes of heavy silence, he finally spoke up. "I think...we migh' as well start with th' obvious..."

I had no idea what his idea of "the obvious" would be. But the very fact that he called it that scared me for some reason. It sent butterflies through my stomach, and I couldn't tell if they were good or bad. Maybe a little bit of both.

He took a deep breath and squeezed at the carpeting between his fingers. "'m not...always me."  
Oh. That obvious.

I bit my bottom lip, but didn't even know what to say to that. I wanted him to continue so that I didn't have to make an idiot out of myself. I wanted him to stop so that he wouldn't think he was making an idiot out of himself.  
He continued. "Over the winter, I can't... I can't stay myself. I jus' can't. I try, every year. And sometimes I get a few extra d'ys... Sometimes a week... These past few years 've been getting a lot better. But still, no matter what, no matter how hard I try- it still happens. I change."

I pulled my own legs up and shut off the air pump. I don't know why it never occurred to be that his...changing wasn't something that he could control. True, I'd only been considering the whole issue for maybe a day, maybe a little bit longer if I counted seeing him over the summer. But not once had I actively thought about whether or not this was something that he had control over. Did I assume that he could, or that he couldn't?

"That's...okay." Smart, Tino. "Have you... I mean, was there ever a time when you didn't...change?"

"I don't rememb'r. I think, when I was younger, 't wasn't so bad. It didn't las' as long, and sometimes I would change back an' forth over the winter. But then I grew up, an' when I was abou' ten I started changing earlier. I don' know why- nobody does. It's just the way we've been."  
I got caught on that one word- _we_. It made sense- I always saw the others with him. Again, I hadn't considered there might be more to it than just my wolf. It felt a little weird, calling him that now.

"...we?"

Berwald nodded. "We. The brown one and the white one. They change, too. We're sor' of a...pack. We travel together and change together. You, uh- You actually me' the white one."

I perked up and glanced over at him for the first time this whole conversation It was easier to look at him when I wasn't learning about his own dirty secrets. "I did-?"

He smiled a bit over at me- again, just a small twitch of his lips. "You did. At the furniture store, over th' summer. The other boy who helped me carry ou' tha' table. That was Matthias."

I settled back against the bed that my back was resting against. "Matthias, huh? Interesting."

He snorted. "He sure is...somethin'. He's like a brother t' me. Sometimes it feels like older, but usually it's little. He's...irresponsible, I guess is how I'd have t' put it." He seemed pleased with that description. I giggled.

"Irresponsible, huh? How so?"

He grinned- his lips spread a little wider than just a twitch. "Well, this one time we were on a campin' trip up north, in th' middle of th' summer. Leon- the brown one- was in charge of bringin' food, Matthias was in charge of getting' the site for the week, I was in charge of...well, of makin' sure nothin' else got screwed up. I guess I should have kept a better watch over him, cos when we got there, someone else was on our site. We ended up three sites down, right next t' the lake. Our tent was wet the whole week."

I out-right laughed at that, and the sound filled the room along with the achingly-slow rising sun. "Honestly, that sounds like something I would do. Not on purpose, of course! Sometimes being scatter-brained is harder than it looks."

Berwald laughed as well, and the sound made my insides warm. "I thin', with you, it would be more endearing than anythin'. With him, it's just exhausting." He stretched out his legs.

My eyes were drooping, but I fought it. There was a whole lot more that needed to be said now, that really couldn't wait until later.

"If...if you change every winter, then why... Why are you here now?"

I watched his face settle into a look of contemplation. He didn't look angry, just...unsure.

"I don' really know. I've been trying to think of why, but it doesn't make any sense. I haven' been like this since I was a little boy. Somethin' must have happened when I got shot, but I don't quite know what. I feel...warm. I feel different, but I don't know if that's supposed t' be good or bad."

I nodded. I felt the same way, even though I'm sure it was nothing close to what Berwald was feeling. This was all secondary to me. I wasn't the one struggling with this heavy burden practically on my own.

"But..." I glanced over at Berwald. Like usual, he was already looking at me.

"But I'm glad I'm here, even if I don' know how long it'll be for. I'm glad I ge' more time with you, here."

I didn't know how to handle that, either. I pulled my legs close to my chest and buried my face for a brief moment, letting myself smile if only for a short second. I was pretty glad, too. But my happiness also felt selfish. I didn't want to dwell on that part.

"How... How did you change?" I muffled into my jeans, before lifting my head. He was still looking at me, but he had that contemplating look back on his face.

"I said I don' know how long I've been doing this. But... We- everyone who does...this- we thin' it might be like...like a disease." I could tell that word didn't sit well with him- his lips turned down. "Like we go' bit when we were younger, or maybe we ate somethin' tainted. Sounds weird, but it's the best we've got right now."

It was my turn to frown. My whole face screwed up in a confused look. "...bit?"

He nodded.  
"Berwald, if you were bit...why didn't I change, too?"

He didn't have an answer for that.

I didn't expect him to.

~x~x~x~

Tino, I learned, took quite some time getting to sleep, once he actually laid down. He kept chattering for a few minutes- not that I minded. I liked listening to him talk. I liked his accent, the way it tugged down at the end of his sentences, the way his words tended to run together. Still, having a Finnish boy talk your ear off tended to keep you awake.

Then, after he had said all that he apparently intended to say, he rolled on to his stomach and finally started settling in.

Then he rolled on to his back.

Then his side.

Then his other side.

Then he threw an arm over the side of the bed and almost smacked me in the face.

Grumbling, I scooted the mattress a little further away from the edge of the bed. I really did enjoy spending this time with Tino- nothing could change that. But he was like a little, manifested ball of energy, even in his sleep.

I finally dozed off after he had stopped scrambling around. The sun was rising now, finally over the peeks of the other houses in the neighborhood, filling the room with a drowsy warmth that reminded me of spring days, when I felt the beginnings of the season just starting to make their way into my bones. When I still had a few weeks left before changing back, but could start enjoying the weather during the day. The cold nights still kept me in my other body, but the almost-warm days whispered to me of the days that laid ahead.

I fell asleep to that, and was almost afraid that I'd wake up covered in fur. But I didn't. I woke up to the sun high in the sky, and the sounds of pots and pans banging downstairs, in what I could only assume was the kitchen. That was probably what woke me up.

I sat up and ran a hand through my already messed up hair. I grabbed my glasses and glanced over at the bed- empty. It was probably Tino making all that noise. He certainly seemed the type.

I stretched out then stood up. I was still wearing his cousin's clothes from yesterday, but that was alright. They were comfortable enough to sleep in, and I certainly wasn't going to complain. They were pajamas anyway.

As I made my way downstairs, the noises continued. One might think, at first glance, that Tino was an innocent boy with a purer-than-not mind. His choice of words ringing through the house proved otherwise.

Just before I walked into the kitchen, there was a particularly loud crash. I was almost afraid to look.

Tino was standing in front of a table island in the center of the room, pots and pans all over the floor around him. His face was a light pink color, but I don't think he noticed me just yet. That was probably for the best.  
"Tämä Jumalan hemmetin paska-!" He was grumbling, before looking up. His violet eyes went wide.

"B-Berwald! I didn't know you were up!"

I just shook my head and walked over to him, bending down to start picking up some of the pans. "What're you doin', Tino?"

He huffed and bent down to help me. "Well, I was going to try cooking some pancakes or something. But I can't find the right pan! It's driving me nuts!"

"So you decided t' destroy the kitchen in vengeance?" He turned a more obvious shade of pink.

"I- you know what, yes. Yes I did. And I hoped it learned a lesson!" He shook the pan in his hand menacingly. I just laughed. He was too cute.

"Yer adorable, you know that?"

He shook his head, turning his whole body away to start putting the dishes back in their place. But I could tell I had embarrassed him.

Excellent.

I went back to helping him clean up, but I missed the sound of his voice.

"Tell me something abou' yourself?"

He took a good minute to think about it. I thought I had embarrassed him enough that he wouldn't want to tell me anything.

"One time, a few years ago, I was in town during autumn doing some shopping..." I eased into the sound of his voice. "Lukas, Emil, and I were getting some decorations for the season- it was my idea. They aren't huge into the holidays sometimes, but I've always liked making the house cozy for whatever holiday was next." He laughed a bit and stood back up, leaning against the counter. I picked up the last dish and followed suit. "So we had been out all day, doing some grocery shopping or whatever while we were out. And our last stop was at this store that was just all arts and crafts and decorations. I was in absolute heaven, but Lukas and Emil couldn't have cared less." For some reason, I believed it. My short experiences with Tino's cousin left me wondering where exactly he got his warm personality from. "So I was wandering around the store for a good hour, at least- probably closer to two. I had a basket just full of stuff, ready to go all out. And when I was finally done, I checked out, then went outside, because I had figured my cousins had long gone out to get some fresh air and maybe stop at the store next door. Except I didn't see the car parked where we had left it." I raised an eyebrow at him, watching his face shift as he got absorbed in his own story. "So I sent them each a text. 'Where are you guys?' And I waited a god five minutes before my phone started ringing- it was Emil!" He started laughing- and once he started, he had a hard time stopping. "They- They had forgotten all about me and gone home! They forgot that they left me in the store, and they went home!" He hid his face behind his hands, laughing so hard that tears were starting to swell up in his eyes.

I smiled as well- who could possibly ever forget that Tino existed? Still, it was amusing, to say the least. Not quite as amusing as watching the boy cracking up at his own story, but still.

The smile turned into a grin as Tino straightened himself back up and wiped away the tears. He glanced up at me, the happiness still obvious on his face. I had a feeling it usually was- he was good at wearing his emotions on his sleeve. My grin softened back into a simple smile. He did that thing, that thing where he got too embarrassed or flustered or I-don't-know-what, and he looked away. I didn't like it when he looked away.

This time, I felt confident enough to gently grab his chin and turn his face back towards me. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, sure- but there was something in his eyes now that I couldn't quite define. But it was definitely there.

I leaned down and pressed our lips together.

There was a split second where he didn't respond. I thought I had screwed up, I had scared him, I had broken the last straw and pushed him away. There was a split second where he didn't respond-

And then all at once he pressed back.

I could feel his fingers curling into the hem of the shirt that I was wearing, and he must have pushed up on the tip of his toes, because he pushed in closer, putting in a bit more pressure and letting me know this was alright, I was alright. I was alright because I was here with him, kissing him, and he was kissing me back. He was kissing me back, and that was all that mattered. Everything else was alright because he was kissing me back.

I think I went a solid minute without breathing, I was too wrapped up in him. But he certainly didn't seem to mind, because I ended up having to pull away first. His face went back to being pink, but it seemed different this time. Less embarrassed, more...satisfied.

The look on his face told me he was satisfied, too.

His lips were a bit swollen, so I leaned down and pecked them.

"Which reminds me, where are yer cousins?"

He blinked once, then grinned.

"They went out to grab you some clothes. Said they would be about an hour."

Which meant we had about 55 minutes for our faces to get better acquainted.

~x~x~x~

An hour later found me on the counter when the front door opened and I heard my cousins coming through the door. About twenty minutes ago we had found this was the easiest position to keep our faces together and lips crushed against each other's. I had to say, it was my favourite way so far to get to know Berwald better.

I pulled away and hurriedly hopped off of the counter just as Lukas walked in and dumped his keys in the cup next to the front desk. We hadn't even started making breakfast yet.

"Well, well, I'll admit I didn't expect you two to be up so early. It isn't even noon yet." He glanced up, and I had the sinking feeling he knew exactly what we were doing. Which wasn't so horrible, it just meant I had to deal with his teasing. He raised an eyebrow, glanced between us- his eyes shifting to Berwald, then to me, then back to Berwald-, then turned back towards the living room. "We left your new clothes by the front door. Let one of us know if there's anything that you don't like or that doesn't fit."

I let out a sigh of relief, straightening my shirt and tucking some hair behind my ear. Berwald cleared his throat beside me.

I shuffled out to the living room, where Lukas was plopping down and the couch and Emil was shifting through one of the bags sitting on the floor. "Did you guys want some breakfast? I was thinking of making some pancakes or something, if you're hungry."

Emil snorted. "I'm sure that wasn't all you were thinking of in there," he mumbled under his breath. I flushed deep.

"You know, cousin, we both ate before we left for shopping. Why don't you take Berwald's new things upstairs and get them put away?" At least Lukas was taking some sort of pity on me.

I grumbled a bit to myself, taking the bags in one hand and Berwald in the other and heading back upstairs. That was fine, we didn't need to be adults about this.

"Hey, Ber?" He hummed a bit in acknowledgment. I opened my bedroom door and threw the bags on to my bed. "I think I just realized- we're being very...assumptive about this. Do you... Do you have somewhere else to stay? I mean, it makes sense that you should- I mean, you don't just...sleep outside in the summer, do you? You go somewhere, don't you?" I realized that sounded a whole lot worse than it was meant to. What if he didn't, and I was just rubbing it in?

But he didn't look at all bothered. He started digging through the bags, and I sat down on the bed next to them. "I do. Me an' Leon an' Matthias will usually rent out a place over the summer together. I think we end up givin' up the lease or something during the winter months. I mean, I coul' probably move back in, if I started...over staying my welcome." He gave me an unsure look. I waved my hands.  
"No, no, that's not what I meant at all! I'm sure Lukas and Emil wouldn't mind having you stay here. I just... I wasn't sure if they were buying you clothes or you were staying here over-night for no reason, or if we were sort of forcing you into it..."

He pulled out one of the shirts, and jokingly modeled it for me. I smiled.

"T'no, I don' know if you've noticed, but I've been here for abou' twelve hours and I don't know if I've ever been happier." That sent a warm feeling through my chest, and this time I had no problem with leaning forward and giving him a sweet peck that lingered a long moment before pulling away.

"Well, alright. But you know you're welcome to leave if you ever want to- I'm sure you have bigger things to worry about right now."

He peeled off the shirt he was wearing and pulled on the one he had grabbed from the bag. I gave him a thumbs up- both of my cousins were good at fashion, usually in a subtle way. Nothing they wore or bought was flashy, but they knew what looked good with what, and that shirt definitely looked good on Berwald.

"I know. But I think all I have t' do now is find Leon and Matthias, and they'll prob'bly come back here when it starts gettin' dark. I can talk to them then."

I nodded and kicked my legs over the edge of the bed. He didn't seem too worried about it at the moment, so I would try not to worry myself about it.

"...tell me something else about yourself? It doesn't have to be anything...wolf-related. Something about you."

He plopped down on the bed next to me, resting his hand over mine. "Mm. Like wha'?"

I shrugged. "Anything. What's your favourite song? Or colour? Or book, or movie, or anything, really-"

His chuckling cut me off. "Well, I don' really have a favourite song. I, uh- I like ABBA, though. Remind me 'f home-" For some reason, this seemed to mortify him.

"Me, too! I mean, they're not exactly my favourite- not my style, you know? But they have some good stuff!"

This seemed to ease him a little bit. "An' my favourite colour was green, but lately I've started growin' fond of purple." He nudged me a bit, and it took me a second to pick that up. My cheeks tinted red. "I don' usually get to see a lo' of green. The forests here are always so green over th' summer- but I'm usually doing other stuff an' don't really get to enjoy it as much as I'd like t'. Then by the time I get to the woods, everything is startin' t' die and change colours." I nodded. That made sense. "So I like t' enjoy it while I can. But again, I'm starting to grow fonder of purple." It was my turn to shove him, but he didn't seem to budge much against my smaller frame.

I stood up and took my own chance to dig through the clothes that had been bought for Berwald. "What about books? Do you do a lot of reading?" I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and showed them to him.

"I do, 'specially at work. It gets quiet sometimes, y'know?" He took the pants and played with the fabric between his hands. "Well, not entirely quiet. Matthias 's there, after all. But sometimes I don' have anythin' t' build, or I don' have a project to start on for a few days. I read a lot then." He smirked. "I jus' finished Lord of th' Rings. Now I jus' need t' watch the movies."  
I gasped. "You haven't watched the movies-?" I scrambled off of the bed and threw myself across the room to my book shelf, crouching down to where I kept the movies. I pulled out my three most watched DVDs. "I can fix that-!"

For some reason, Berwald found that funny. I just pouted and glared at him. "Tolkien is no laughing matter!" That just made him laugh even more. "Fine! You watch them by yourself!"

He shook his head and stood up. I glared at him the whole time he walked towards me, until he was right in front of me. I thought he was leaning down for another kiss, so- still glaring- I pouted. He snatched the movies out of my hands instead.

"If you wan' your precious movies back, you'll have t' watch them with me."

Oh he was just evil incarnate.

"Fine-! But I won't like it!"

He raised an eyebrows at me disbelievingly.

I stuck out my tongue. "Okay, I'll like it a little. But I'm sitting on the opposite side of the couch!"

He gave me the same look.

I just couldn't win.

~x~x~x~

Later that night, Tino was in the kitchen with me making a bag of popcorn. His cousin Emil was sitting at the kitchen counter, right where we had been making out a few hours ago, sipping at a mug of tea. Lukas was sitting on the couch- which seemed to be his favourite spot- reading a book. I was standing at the back door, watching the darkening woods outside.  
It was strange to be on the other side of this glass for once. For so many years this pane had been the only thing separating me and Tino. And now, here I was, on the other side, inside with him. It felt odd, and not entirely in the way I had always expected it would. Sure, I imagined being inside with him before. It was how I sometimes passed the long, cold nights, pretending I was inside and warm with him. It sounded pathetic, but I hadn't ever thought of it that way. It kept me happy, even as a wolf, to think of myself in the same room as him. How could that be pathetic?

I was waiting to see Matthias or Leon. I was expecting them to show up at some point tonight- I couldn't explain why, but I just had the feeling that they would- they should- show up. They should come here, of all places, to see if I was alright, if I was alive. I knew they would want to know. I knew they had seen me change, they had been the ones who brought me here, after all. They knew this was my place to be. I certainly wouldn't have gone back to the apartment, not without them. This was the only place it made sense for me to be; here, with Tino.

I was leaning against the door frame when the outside light was switched on and there was a weight against my side. I draped an arm over Tino's shoulders and let out a sigh. He handed me a bag of popcorn, which I placed on the counter beside me, and a mug of tea, which I gladly took to warm up my slightly-chilled fingers. Standing by the door wasn't my smartest idea.

"I'm sure they'll show up soon enough, Ber. It's not even dark all the way yet."

I just nodded- it was true. We had rarely come here before dark- there was just too much to do during the day, and moving around at night was much easier and less dangerous. It was less likely for anyone to spot them if it was dark out, and now that it was hunting season, that was probably for the best. Everyone had probably put their guns away for the night already, but it didn't hurt to be safe. I was just being paranoid.

Emil spoke up from behind us. "You seemed like a very crafty pack. I'm sure they're playing it safe. They know you're in good hands, after all."

Tino was rubbing at my back, and I just leaned against the counter more.

Just then, there was a shift in the woods. It was a small one, a branch or two cracking, but I noticed. I straightened up, and Tino by my side did as well, glancing out the door.

Out of the woods, slowly, came first Leon, then Matthias. Oh so slow, like they were afraid of what they would see. Unsure if they would find me sitting there, waiting for them- or maybe they would find my lifeless body laying where they had found it. But they saw neither. Then Matthias looked up, and saw me- skin and flesh me- standing inside.

I could feel the relief in his body, but also the confusion. I could see it. His shoulders slumped- _oh good, Berwald isn't dead_\- then his ears perked- _oh bad, Berwald isn't covered in fur_.

I slid open the back door and stepped out. Tino followed me, and I could hear Emil scooting his chair back behind us and standing up as well.

Tino closed the door behind us, and his cousin just stood there, face contorted into an expression I couldn't quite read as he watched the wolves. I turned back to them and stepped down into the lawn.

Matthias approached me first. I crouched down and held my hand out, a force of habit. To show some sort of submission, to ease any nerves. He ignored it and just sat down in front of me, his eyes big and questioning. I couldn't talk to him in this state, but I could still understand him.

"I don' know. All I remember is gettin' shot, then blacking out. When I woke up in th' hospital..." He seemed to accept this answer- none of us really had a choice in it all. No one understood it, we could only accept it and see what happened. And that was what probably scared me the most- I didn't know what would happen. I could fall asleep tonight and wake up tomorrow like Matthias, and I'd have to go right back to that life. I'd have to leave my body behind. I'd have to leave Tino behind.

Tino crouched down next to me as well. The huff of breath he let out turned into a white cloud and floated up, up, and away. I watched it for a moment.  
"Matthias...? We're taking good care of him, I promise. He's in good hands, as long as he'll have us. We don't know what's happening, but we can figure it out together, right?"

Leon stepped forward. He seemed distracted for a moment, looking beyond us, not able to focus.

If he had been able to speak, I'm sure he would have offered something, an explanation, a joke, anything to make us feel better. He was tough and sarcastic on the outside, but deep down, he was just as caring as the rest of us He was family, after all. I'm sure he was just as confused and worried.

I held out a hand to him, too, then scratched behind his ear.

"You c'n take care of yourselves, yeah? 'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll stay righ' here, you'll know as soon as anythin' changes. We'll figure this out, okay?"

That seemed to put everyone at ease- Tino and myself included.

The back door opened again, and Emil cautiously stepped out. Tino turned to him, then back to Matthias and Leon.

"He's in good hands- I promise. We're taking care of him. He has a warm place to stay, a change of clothes, food and a place to rest... This is Emil- he's going to help. I promise."

Emil bowed his head, keeping his eyes on the rest of my pack. "I don't know if it's any consolation, but I will do my best to keep Berwald safe." He kept his voice low and even and pitchless, calm and level. This was how he always spoke- emotionless. But now it carried a sense of conviction.

Leon and Matthias seemed to take this all as evidence enough. At the very least, it set them at some sort of ease. There was no possibility of everyone feeling completely comfortable with this- myself included. But at least now we all knew we'd be doing our best to figure it out.

I was starting to shiver, and I didn't want to risk anything. I reached out once more and patted the top of Matthias and Leon's heads. "Go get s'me dinner, okay? 'm not going anywhere."

They backed away slowly, both eying the family beside me, like they were looking for something. I don't know if they found it, but they turned and trotted off into the woods. Tino let out a breath beside me.

"Well. I suppose that could have gone worse, yeah?"

I just chuckled and tugged him back inside to the warmth.

~x~x~x~

Berwald pulled me back inside, and I grabbed my mug of tea off of the counter. Emil stood at the door and watched the woods for a long minute. Lukas was standing in the kitchen doorway.  
"How did it go?"

"Not terrible." I shrugged. "No one knows what's happening anyway. I think they just wanted to make sure Berwald was doing okay- still alive and, you know, breathing." I laughed a bit. It wasn't that funny.

Lukas just stared at me for a moment, then glanced out the window and left the room again. Apparently that was all the information he needed.

Now that that was all done with and settled, I tugged Berwald into the living room for our much-deserved movie break. Lukas had gone up to his room and, after quite a few minutes of quiet starting, Emil had departed as well. It was just me and Ber left.

I popped the first movie into the player and hankered down for the many hours that lay in front of us- it was a good thing tomorrow was Sunday. Berwald sat down next to me, and I tossed a blanket over both of our legs.

"What are you thinking?" While the beginning previews rolled, I leaned my head on Berwald's shoulder. He shrugged, and I felt my head lift and drop at the motion.  
"I don' really know what to think. Why am I changed an' not them? Was it somethin' about getting' shot? Was I a silver bullet or somethin'?" I could tell that last part wasn't serious- I didn't think, at least. Silver bullets were just a myth, weren't they?  
But then, so were werewolves.

This made me stop and chew on my lip in contemplation. Was there anything else out there that we didn't think could possibly exist? Honestly, "werewolf" didn't even feel like the right term. Berwald was more than just a term, more than some mythical creature. He was a living, breathing human being, sitting warm next to me. How could a word like that possibly be used to describe him. He wasn't a werewolf, he was Berwald.

And I was going to do everything in my power to protect him.

**A/N: **I had a hard time deciding where to end this chapter. It sort of seemed to drag on- at one point I thought about just cutting this whole chapter in half, but I felt like that was a cop out, would have left the two chapters too short, and still wouldn't fix finding an ending to this second half.

How did you like it? I'm considering either the next chapter being a filler with some fluff, or just moving the plot along. There was a bit of fluff here when they finally got together- I'm not sure if I over did it?

I keep forgetting to thank you all for all of your beautiful reviews and follows. Each and every single, individual one makes me so happy, no joke. I know a lot of authors say it, and I really mean it. It makes me so happy knowing each an every review was left by someone walking around, their own person who decided they cared enough to tell me what they thought. And each follow- you're telling me someone likes this enough to want to know as soon as it updates? I'll see you all next week!


	7. Chapter 7

I knew I had school the next day, so I spent as much time as I could with Berwald on Sunday. I think I felt some sort of selfish guilt- what was he going to do all ay without me? I knew this was stupid- he was a grown man (sort of), he could find something to occupy his time besides me. I'm sure he had his own things to handle besides me.

That didn't stop me from taking up as much of his time as I could on Sunday. We woke up pretty late, considering we had been up basically all night watching Lord of the Rings. It took longer for me to get moving in the morning, so Berwald had braved going down to the kitchen by himself to start breakfast. I could hear him making small talk with Emil and Lukas down there, but couldn't stir myself enough to join them, not for quite a few minutes. The thing that eventually got me out of bed was hearing them talking about our plans for the day.

I didn't know quite what I wanted to do, but I definitely wanted to show Berwald around the town. It was like a whole new place during the winter. Different specialty stores were open, the snow covered the trees in the town center, Christmas and Hannukah decorations were hung up over street lamps and store windows. There was so much to do and so much to see, and I just didn't know if Berwald had ever done it all before. He usually had more important things to worry about in the winter.

I shuffled down the stairs, yawning, stretching, and trying to make some sort of sense out of my hair. Emil was sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee in his hands. Lukas was on the couch, watching the news. Berwald was the only one really moving around, having apparently found the pan I had been looking for yesterday and making what appeared to be an omelet.

He turned and gave me a soft smile. It sent butterflies through my stomach.

"Ah, look who's finally up. How did you sleep, cousin?"

I stuck my tongue out at Emil. "Just fine, thanks. We were watching movies until late, so I didn't get to sleep until late!" I probably wouldn't have been awake too early either way. But they didn't need to know that.

I bumped up against Berwald's side and peeked into the pan. "What're you making?" We had only shared our first kiss not even 24 hours earlier, but I had decided that I was rather fond of having him close. He was warm, and solid and strong, and basically everything a giant teddy bear should be. And he certainly hadn't been complaining about any of the physical contact we had shared so far.

"Omelet. Is tha' alright?"

"Just perfect!" I swooped off to the coffee machine and poured myself my own cup. How I was even slightly coherent and functioning up to this point without it was calld into question in my mind.

"So, Tino," Lukas called out, "we were just discussing everyone's plans for today. Yours of which were-?" He let the end of the sentence hang off- he knew I didn't have plans just as well as I did.

I didn't let it bother me. I just shrugged and returned to Berwald's side, watching him fold the omelet in the pan and flip it over, pressing it into the pan. "I'm not sure. Take Berwald out on a date somewhere, I just don't know where exactly."

This seemed to cause the man in question some sort of discomfort, as he cleared his throat and turned away to grab a plate. I smirked- it was nice to have the upper hand sometimes.

"Maybe a movie, though we spent all night watching those. Or maybe go to the park? It's cold out, though, so we wouldn't be able to stay out too long. So probably just some window shopping and cafe hopping."

Lukas stood up from the couch and stretched, then shuffled into the kitchen. You could tell it was the weekend because both of my cousins were still in their pajamas- something absolutely unheard of at this time any other day of the week. He went to refill his own mug of coffee- Berwald seemed to be the only one in the house at this point whose blood hadn't been replaced with the stuff.

"Well as much as that sounds like a ton of fun, and as much as I'd love to join you, I've got things to do. Books to read. TV to watch. I'm a busy man."

I rolled my eyes, and Berwald snorted. He was probably still getting used to that dead-pan voice of Lukas's.

"Oh? That's a shame. I think I speak for both of us when I say we shall sorely miss you." I stuck out my tongue, took my plated omelet, and plopped down at the table.

Berwald joined me a few minutes later, sitting down next to me with a cup of OJ. His morning drink of choice, apparently. Weirdo.

"Did you have anything specific you wanted to do today, Ber?"

"No' really." He shrugged. "Jus' spend some time with you."

I heard gagging coming from Emil's general direction. I held up a choice finger towards him.

I nudged my elbow against Berwald's side. "We can do some more clothes shopping. How does that sound? And I need some books for school, so we might have to stop at a bookstore. Other than that, we can go wherever!"

This seemed to please Berwald, as he let out a low hum and smiled a bit into his glass.

"And maybe we can do some Christmas shopping!"

This he found less pleasing, letting out a snort. I pouted at him and Emil spoke up.

"Tino, maybe it's a little too early to start thinking about Christmas shopping, yeah?"

"Nonsense! There's no such thing as too early for Christmas!"

No one else seemed to agree, instead returning with silence. I stuck my tongue out. "Whatever! You'll all be jealous when I have the best gifts and decorations picked out and you have nothing!" Which was only partially true. According to Lukas, though my gifts were usually thoughtful and oddly useful, they were...weird, at first glance. Like a pack of a hundred different teas that he ended up drinking through in about three months.

I finished off my omelet and stood up to take care of my plate. I refilled my mug while I was up, then headed for the stairs. Once in my room, I got dressed for the day- bundling up as much as I comfortably could for the cold weather. Which reminded me, Berwald probably needed a coat, too. I didn't want to risk him changing back if he didn't want to. If we could control it, I would do my damn best to keep him here with me.

As I was digging through the hallway closet, Berwald came up behind me and swatted me on the butt. I squeaked and straightened up.

"Ber! Watch those hands!" He just chuckled lowly. "Do you have any preferences for coats?" I gestured to the pile next to me, things that I thought might fit me. He was so much bigger, though, so most of them, like the clothes he was wearing the day before, were Lukas's. Some had been bought for me to grow into- obviously, they had over-estimated just how much that would be.

He began digging through the pile while I watched. After a few moments, he pulled one out, a dark blue, almost black button down coat. Very stylish, and very Berwald.

I grinned. "Perfect! No go get bundled up, we don't want you getting a cold~" I cackled and shooed him into my room. The last thing we had to worry about with him was getting a cold.

He came out a few minutes later in a sweater, a pair of jeans, and a pair of boots that Lukas had bought him yesterday. I had to say, he looked pretty good.

I smiled at him and held out my hand.

"Are you ready to go?"

~x~x~x~

Our first stop was a chocolate shop. I should have known better, with Tino and his apparent sweet tooth. But we had been on our way to a clothing store, bracing ourselves against the wind, when he suddenly tugged on my sleeve and pulled me inside. I pulled down the scarf that had been covering my face to take a whiff. It was definitely the smell that had pulled him in.

He called out to me from the other side of the shop, which he had scurried over to. "Berwald, look at this!" I walked over and peered over his shoulder. Sitting on a pan in a display window next to the register was a dozen roses, their petals all made from chocolate. Even I had to admit the art work was impressive.

But Tino was already on the move again, shifting to another display and practically pressing his face to the glass. He was like- well, he was like a kid in a candy shop.

"Ber! These look like little frogs oh my gosh they are so cute!"

He was so excited, I had to let out a little laugh. The employee behind the counter seemed equally entertained by this supposedly-grown-man's excitement.

"Tino?" He kept babbling, moving from display to display and gushing about the intricate details of each one. "Tino!" He stopped and swiveled to face me, cheeks bright in excitement. I laughed again.

"Did'ya want some chocolate?"

He took a long moment, confused, before blinking and shaking his head and hands. "O-oh! No, that's not what I meant! I just thought they looked pretty-!" This seemed to embarrass him as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground.  
I just rolled my eyes and approached the counter. "One chocolate rose, please." I pulled out the few spare dollars that I had in my pockets and handed them over, getting a few coins back in return. The boy behind the counter grabbed one of the roses, sitting on a long, green lollipop stick to make it more realistic.

Tino stood there during the whole encounter, mouth popped open slightly until I handed him the rose. "Well, usually th' red one is more appropriate, bu' I figure you'll le' this one go, right?" I handed the chocolate to him, and he took it with a small smile.

"Thanks, Ber..." He stood up on his toes to press a kiss to my cheek. Totally worth it.

"No' a problem. Ready to move on?"

Grinning, he took a chomp out of the rose. "Yep!"

We shuffled back out into the cold, Tino this time leaning into my side heavily, to the point I was almost stumbling over my own two feet. I threw an arm over his shoulders and held him closer.

He led me down a few more stores until he stopped in front of one with a few mannequins in the window. Nothing flashy, definitely subtly stylish. Is this really what he thought my style was?

"Can ye really see me wearing any of tha'?"

He peeked up at me with a grin. "You need a sense of style, Mister Berwald, and I'm here to help you find it~ You can't just keep wearing Lukas's clothes or whatever he buys for you!"

I just rolled my eyes and pushed into the store. I had a feeling I wasn't going to win this anyway. And I really only owned summer clothes- I obviously needed some sort of winter outfit.

We browsed around for a few minutes, until Tino returned to my side with his arms weighed down in clothing. I raised an eyebrow.

"How much is tha' all goin' t' cost-?"

He waved me off- at least, he tried to. His hand popped out from under the pile and tried to wave at me. "Don't worry about it! You're worth all the money in the world~"

I cleared my throat then grabbed as much clothing as could from Tino's arms, carrying it all off to one of the changing rooms. Most of it was darkly coloured, with a flew splashes of something bright here or there. I couldn't say I had any certain sense of style, so I would just have to trust Tino with this one.

He brought me the rest of the clothes, and we spent the next half hour having a sort of fashion show. I'll admit I was mostly doing it to humor Tino- the first two outfits had looked great, so I figured I could trust him with these decisions. But he would hear none of it, and insisted I tried on the rest. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to comment on how my butt looked in all of it.

Another half hour later we were finally ready to leave, bags weighing us down

~x~x~x~

I opened the door to the bookshop and heard the bells tinkling above us. Berwald shuffled in behind me, rubbing his gloved hands together and blowing into them. An employee rounded a corner, smiling sincerely- I would, too, if I could work at a place like this.

"Did you guys need any help today?"

"No, but thank you!" I took one of Berwald's hands and led him deeper into the store. It was a popular hang out spot for college kids and artsy people- it seemed like the walls breathed books, the aisles were small and crowded because the shelves took up so much space, and on either side of the store was a tight, spiraling staircase that led to the second floor. That was my destination- hardly anyone ever went up there, likely because it seemed to have a draft somewhere that no one had bothered to take care of. Downstairs was nice and cozy, downstairs had the cafe and the register and the company of other book lovers.

I bought us each a hot cocoa, then led the way up the closest set of stairs. There was one other person up there, a girl curled up on a chair right next to a faux fireplace. She was bundled up in a sweater and was clutching her own mug of something warm- I couldn't blame her, it was at least ten degrees cooler upstairs than down. Still, I had my little secret, and led Berwald to the cozy corner on the opposite side, the tiny little private one with a well-worn couch far from the draft. We both dropped our bags on the floor. It was still a little cooler than the downstairs, but that was nothing a little snuggling up couldn't fix.

Berwald seemed to have the same idea, plopping down on the couch first, then scooting back to make room for me. I was more than happy to take up the spot between his legs. He pulled me into his chest, and I let out a content sigh. It was nice to finally sit down after all of the walking that we had done today.

I reached out and grabbed one of the books from the closest shelf. These were all mostly older children's books, things from when I had been younger, or older. All of the new stuff was sitting downstairs on a display by the front door. It was nostalgic, sometimes, to come up here and grab a few books that I thought I had forgotten about. Of course, my favourite was the Moomin books. They were older, decades old by the time my parents had read them to me as a child. But I had loved them all the same, and it was what had started my obsession with the little trolls. I searched until I found one, and grabbed it off the shelf.

"My parents used to read me these all the time!" I stroked my hand across the cover, then cracked it open. It must have been a used book, because it had an inscription on the inside. But the handwriting was so sloppy, I couldn't make out what it said.

Berwald reached around me to flip a page. "I remember these. They were sor' of old, though, weren't they?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, they were. They had actually been my dad's when he was younger. I guess my grandparents gave them to him when I was born. And it was all downhill from there- I was doomed to be obsessed!" He laughed at that, and I smiled fondly at the page below me. It brought back fond memories.

"Hey, Tino...?" I glanced over my shoulder at Berwald. He seemed troubled by something. I didn't like seeing that expression.

"Mm?"

He kept his eyes on the pages a moment longer before looking up at me.

"What happened t' them...? Your parents, I mean."

Well, it only made sense that he would ask eventually. I sighed and closed the book, curling up a little bit closer to Berwald's chest.

"They're still alive, if that's what you mean. They live about 200 kilometers away, near the city. They sent me to live with my cousins the summer after you first found me, actually. I was visiting Lukas and Emil that winter break... That summer, Dad found me playing with some dolls that I had gotten from a neighbor girls. Wasn't too happy about it, you know? So he sent me out here, to live with my aunt and uncle in the town that was all about hunting."

I snorted. "That was before he really knew. I think he sort of knew at that point, but was trying to change me, or something. When I actually came out to him, he didn't say anything. Not one word. I had to do it over the phone, because him and mom had been sp busy for work they wouldn't be able to make it here for Christmas break. I wasn't sure how much longer it would take to tell him, so I just did it. The phone went quiet for a long time, then he just...hung up. That was the last time I really talked to him. It seems so long ago- almost ten years? I talk to my mom sometimes, I guess. But he just..has no interest in me any more."

I leaned my head back on Ber's shoulder. "A few years later, when Lukas was 18 and Emil was 9- I think?- their parents died. Lukas had to fight tooth and nail to keep me. He had to say again and again that my parents wouldn't even take me, not even if anyone tried to force them. I'd end up on the streets, he said. And it was true, I knew it. Dad wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. I'd wind up on the streets, or worse. So they let him keep me. It wasn't always easy, but we kept the house, at least. Lukas was enrolled to start college that autumn, but he didn't. He had to work to support me and Emil. I think that was hardest on him- he was always looking forward to going to college. I think he wanted to study oceanography. He loves learning, you know? But he had to stop, because he had to take care of us." I let out a sigh and glanced up at Berwald, who hadn't said one word while I rambled on. It was obvious that he had been listening intently. Some would say the look on his face was angry, but he was just contemplating.

"Anyway, I don't know if Dad will ever come around. I'm waiting to finish school, then I'll probably start working, too. I think it's my own dream, at this point, to send Lukas to college." I chuckled, and that seemed to reach him. He smiled a bit, then leaned in to press a kiss to my temple.

"I hope you ge' that. I hope you can do tha'." He pressed another kiss to my temple, then one into my neck. I let out yet another sigh.

"What about you...? Can you tell me about your parents?"

He hummed and rested his chin on my shoulder. I felt his slow breathing on my neck and tangling in my hair. I started feeling content and sleepy by the time he spoke up.

"I didn't really know them tha' well before I started changing. I was so young, y'know? But it must have freaked them out. The firs' memory I have of them was them tryin' t' hurt me. I was changin', and they tried...they tried t' drown me. I don't remember their voices or wha' they said. I jus' remember bein' thrown in the tub and held under. The warmth must have stopped it, at leas' for a little while. They woul' throw me out every winter an' wait for me t' come back in the spring. One year, I jus'...didn't. That was the winter I found Matthias. Leon joined us a few years later."

I didn't realize I had turned and wrapped my arms around him until he squeezed me. I felt like that wasn't even half the store, yet it was so terrible.

"I'm so sorry, Ber..."

He squeezed around my waist and nodded. I thought he might be crying, but I wasn't sure. I didn't need to be sure, I didn't need to ask. I just needed to hold him for a minute.

He pulled away and let out a sniffle, lifting his glasses to wipe away a tear. I smiled a bit and kissed his forehead. "C'mon. You ready to head home yet?"

He nodded and stood up, taking me with him.

**A/N: **I struggled most with Berwald having money? I imagine he found a few dollars on the ground or something and decided to spend it on Tino that's cute right

This chapter was really short, but it was meant to be. It was supposed to be a lot of fluff and junk, but ended up being just these two losers spending the day together.

Tino returns to school in the next chapter and we get to see a few new faces. I should have mentioned them earlier but I don't plan any of this ahead, I just have a general idea of where everything might be going.

Please let me know what you think and tell me if you find any inconsistencies or anything!


	8. Chapter 8

I knew it was something that was going to have to happen, but as I sat in my car in the school parking lot Monday morning, I was dreading the moment that I would have to step out and leave this whole weekend behind. More than anything, I was dreading having to leave Berwald behind. He told he'd be fine, that he'd find something to do, he'd think of something. I didn't doubt him. But I couldn't help the nagging guilt in my gut. I had all these responsibilities and things to do- Berwald had nothing. He didn't have school, he didn't have family- well, he did, but they were a bit busy at the moment being covered in fur and walking on four legs. He didn't have any of these things I did- he had me, and my family, and all these problems to think about. That was it.

Was that selfish?

I sat in the car, running it on the battery so the heat would last. I didn't want to leave. I watched my hands in my lap. I usually dreaded school anyway, but this Monday was just so much worse than all the others.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I think I had asked Berwald this about two dozen times today. Rounding down.

But he just took it all in good nature and chuckled. "I promise. I'll be jus' fine. Might no' even notice yer gone." He gave me a smirk. I huffed.

"Very funny!" But I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're going to miss me so much, you'll be so bored and it'll be so quiet and boring without all of my chattering!" He outright laughed at that.

"Alrigh', maybe tha' part is a little true."

"Exactly!" I leaned in for another peck, but he turned his face and I caught the corner of his up-turned lips. He shook his head.

"I'll miss ye, Tino. Promise." He leaned in for a full-fledged lip lock, one that I wasn't too keen on pulling away from. I cupped his face and let out a little sigh. School could wait, right?

Except, Berwald didn't seem to think so. He seemed much more invested in my education than I was. He pulled away, leaned in for a peck, then went to open his door. "C'mon, out wit' ya."

I huffed and unbuckled, then jumped out of my own side and met him at the front of the car. "Have a good day, alright?" He nodded.

"You, too. Go learn somethin' fer the both of us."

I gave him one last kiss, before he hopped into the driver's side. I watched him for a long minute, willing to withstand the cold if it meant watching him warm his hands in front of the dash for a moment more.

Then he laid on the horn, and I decided I wasn't so willing.

I stuck out my tongue one last time before shuffling off into the building entrance.

I was by no means popular. I had friends, that was for sure. But no one called my name to say good morning to me. No crowds of people parted to let me in for the pleasure of five minutes of my company.

It was their loss.

However, the few friends I had were definitely loyal ones. Doubtless they had noticed my quietness over the weekend, and no one was better at pointing out silence with a lack of their own than one Feliks Łukasiewicz .

"Tino! Tino, Tino, Tino! Babe, like, where were you all weekend? I tried calling you so many times. Are you, like, mad at me?"

Don't get me wrong, I love Feliks. He's great, he's talkative, he's supportive and probably the best guy to have as a friend. But he was also exhausting on a Monday morning. He was exhausting any morning. He was just exhausting.

He came up and slapped me on the back, and I gave him a small smile. "Good morning, Feliks. Yes, I was a little busy this weekend. How about you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Oh my God, you have no idea! There was so much going on, but, like, not me. Of course not me! Hey, did you hear about that thing with the parking lot Friday-"

Just then Toris knocked into him. God bless Toris, who somehow put up with Feliks so much better than the rest of us. How he did it, no one had ever figured out. He had the patience of a saint.

"Feliks-! Sorry, I think someone pushed me..." He glanced up at me, and gave me a small smile. "Good morning, Tino. How was your weekend?"

Toris looked as tired as I felt. I think everyone but Feliks did. "Morning, Toris! My weekend was just fine, how was yours?"

Feliks pouted, not too happy about being cut off. "Toris! Rude! I was asking Tino if he-" The bell rang, and everyone started dispersing to their first classes. Feliks rolled his eyes again, and Toris grabbed him by the wrist, having to drag him away while still chattering a mile a minute. And I thought I was bad? I gave them a small wave and went off to my own class.

No one seemed to be much in the mood for talking this morning, though a few people here or there were still trying to pull someone into some conversation or another. One such person, much like Feliks, was Alfred Jones.

Alfred was a little easier to handle than Feliks, though. He had been a transfer student from America quite a few years ago. At first, he had had a hard time opening up and making friends with anyone. His Finnish was rocky at best, and whenever we had parents' night or something similar, he always stuck close to his father's side, speaking English in a low, shy voice so no one could hear him. But once he got a little more confidence in himself, and his Finnish got more solid, he started opening up. Now he was one of the more popular boys in school and was almost always surrounded by some group of people or another. Still, he made sure to make time for us little people.

"Mornin', Tino!" No matter how long he had been here, though, he still kept that accent of his.

"Good morning, Alfred. How are you today?"

He gave me his signature grin, the one that made all the girls swoon. "Just great, man. The start of a new week, you know?"

I let out an exhausted chuckle. "Oh, trust me, I'm well aware."

He just laughed and gave me a hearty pat on the back. A little too hearty, if you asked me. I wheezed and had to straighten myself in my chair.

"Anyway, Artie was telling me this morning about something that happened in the parking lot after classes on Friday- did you hear?"

I furrowed up my eyebrows. Arthur was Alfred's best friend and- as we often speculated- a whole lot more. While Alfred could oftentimes be loud and overbearing, Arthur was usually just the opposite- quiet and proper and academic. He usually ended up staying late on campus to get some extra reading done, or to partake in some club or another. It wasn't that odd that he'd be at school late on a Friday.

"No, what happened?"

Alfred perked up, apparently happy to have someone new to share this story with. Wasn't Feliks saying something similar earlier?

"Oh, man, it was the craziest thing! He was waiting for a ride after his club and was sitting in the parking lot, you know? And while he was waiting-"

The teacher walked into the room, high heels clicking loudly against the hard floor. Alfred turned in his seat, giving me an apologetic look which I returned with a shrug of my own. It could obviously wait.

She began the lesson for the day, and I drooped into my seat. I was a halfway decent student, smart enough if not incredibly lazy. Still, even the most diligent, intelligent student would have trouble focusing on the lessons today with the dreary weather and Monday blues.

I propped my chin in my hand and stared out the window. What was Berwald up to right now?

~x~x~x~

I hadn't told Tino, but I already had a plan for today. There were some secrets I was keeping from him- not because I thought he couldn't handle them, or because I just didn't want him to know. He already knew my biggest secret, what was the point of keeping the smaller ones? I just never got around to telling him, and I supposed the smaller secrets, somehow, were more complicated.

There were some things I hadn't told Tino yet. Some of these things included, but were not limited to, the existence of other wolves- sure, he knew about Matthias and Leon. But he didn't know about the others, the ones we barely knew about. He didn't know about the other wolves that sometimes passed through here, some nameless and some familiar, some friendly and some less so. This he didn't know because we barely knew, and how could I possibly tell him this and keep him safe when I couldn't keep myself safe from it?

He didn't know about the she-wolf from a few years ago that had passed through. This he didn't know because, again, we couldn't possibly keep him safe from her. We could only hope she didn't come back, could only hope she didn't bring her carnage back. Could only hope, hope, hope.

I hadn't told Tino about my plan for today, but I had one. After watching him head inside the building- watching him cross the parking lot first because I couldn't take my eyes off of him- I turned the car all the way on, first focusing on warming my hands back up. Once that was accomplished, I pulled out of the school's parking lot, and sped down the road.

If I remembered correctly, I still knew where I was going. I just had to make it to the center of town, hang a left, hang a right, then drive all the way to the end, where the pavement met the dirt. Everything looked different, looking at it through human eyes when everything was dark and dreary under the autumn sky, instead of being blinded by light in the cloudless summer sky. But I still remembered, clearly enough.

Me, Leon, and Matthias had our own apartment, that much was true. We liked having a place of our own, where we didn't have to worry about propriety or keeping secrets. Me and Matthias would head for work every morning together, and a few hours later Leon could leave for his job at one of the bookstores in town. When it started to get cold, we didn't have to worry about anyone else finding us, or wondering why we just totally disappeared during the winter. We only had to worry about ourselves.

So yes, we had a place of our own. But besides that, there was somewhere else. There was a little cabin, out near the middle of the woods. There was a little cabin that a different pack had built one summer, and we had taken over when only one of them remained, years ago. He had left as a human one summer when I was much younger, and we hadn't seen him since. Every once in a while, sporadically throughout the warm months, we'd spend a day or two or up to week out in the woods, tidying the place up, clearing out the cobwebs, making sure none of the raccoons had gotten in to the food supply. We never really discussed why we kept up with it, but I think we all agreed that, just in case someone else passed through, this was a much safer option for them than staying in town. Not everyone had the money that we had, or the safe space.

I pulled up to the front of the cabin and shut the car off. I had to do this quick- the temperature was dropping pretty fast outside, despite that fact that it was daytime. The sun wasn't out, it looked like it was getting raedy to rain. Or snow. Either one wasn't preferable right now.

I hopped out of the car and ran inside. It smelled heavily of the pine trees that surrounded it, with just a hint of mouse feces. Usually we'd air it out, but right now probably wasn't the best time to do that. I pulled my mittens out of my pockets and tugged them on, then tugged the hood around my face closer. I shuffled first over to the empty fireplace, turning it on and tossing a few logs in that were stacked up next to it. Usually, during the summer, there was so much to do, so much to keep us busy. But now, there was nothing. I could only glance around the small space, test out the water taps, make sure nothing was rusting or falling apart while I waited for the fireplace to warm up all the way. Once it had done that, I sat on the floor in front of it, scooting as close as I could without catching my nice new clothes on fire. I let out a sigh.

This place brought back memories. Days spent on the lake near by, catching fish- sometimes with a fishing pole, sometimes with our bare teeth. Opening the windows and letting the warm breeze in, heavily scented of pine. When we were here over the summers was when we were closest to being caught in between, humans on the outside but almost wolves on the inside. I think that's when we were happiest.

Once the whole space had warmed up, I stood and started resuming wandering around the place. There was a small kitchen space, with a gas stove and a table that I had carved in my free time one summer, to replace the one that was already in here that had been half-eaten by termites. In the cabinets were boxes upon boxes of food, non-parishables and preserved things that we would never normally eat, but kept stocked here just in case. There was a back room where we had bins of clothes, just in case we got ours wet at the lake or something over the summer, or just in case something else.  
Just in case, just in case, just in case.

But I would check on all of that in a little bit. Right now I had to focus on making sure nothing was chewing through our food boxes, and that we had dry fire wood, and that we had a whole building to come back to in the summer. That Leon and Matthias had a whole building to come back to, if my winter kept the way that I wanted it to keep.

I leaned against the panel by one of the front windows and stared outside. It made me feel weird, to be looking at the dark, cold autumn sky with human eyes. I almost felt like I did over the summer here, half human and half wolf. A human body with wolf instincts- it was what I was used to at this time of the year.

But I was pushing these things off too long. I straightened back up, still tugging my new coat tight around me. I opened the door to the back bedroom- three separate rooms, one behind another behind another, almost separated from the rest of the house by the large, heavy door that I had to push open. Back here, everyone also had a bin of clothes, mostly summer things with a few heavier items thrown in. Just in case.

Every once in awhile, we'd be caught in the woods when we started to change, instead of on the edge of town, where we liked to be to get re-instated into normal, human life as soon as possible. When that happened, when we were stuck in the woods, we came out here. We almost never changed all at once- it usually took a good week or two for everyone to play catch up. When that happened, too, sometimes we stuck around here, waiting to head back to the apartment with the whole pack.

I stopped at my bed first, the one closest to the front. My bed was neat and made, from the last day I had been human a few months ago. I always made my bed, every morning, especially in the early autumn. I didn't know when my next opportunity would be to keep it neat. My bin of clothes was tucked neatly under my bed. I crouched down to pull it out, then opened it and dug through it for any long-sleeved shirts or sweaters that I could find. I felt bad, that Tino and his family had spent so much money on me when I did, in fact, have some clothes hidden away. But it was only a spare few, and I knew I would be paying them back at the first opportunity anyway.

I pushed my glasses back up on my face, straightening them out, then tucked the bin back under my bed. I stopped at Leon's bed next. It was equally neat, but whereas my walls were bare his were covered with posters, posters of different pop singers, from all over the world, all different countries represented in his obsession with staying modern. I pulled his bin out, but even before I opened it I knew it was pointless. Leon was only a little bit taller than Tino, and quite a few centimeters shorter than me. And his body was much leaner. There was no way any of his things would fit me. Well, it had been worth a try.

Which meant Matthias's room was next and last. I knew not to expect it to be clean- it never was. He never made his bed, never cleaned his floor, never picked anything up. I would be lucky if there weren't bowls of half-eaten food sitting under his bed.

I pushed the door open and- yeah, it was a wreck. Which I didn't care, that was why he got the back space. He could keep his mess to himself easier this way. His bed was beyond unmade, the sheets were half at the foot of the bed and half on the floor. As expected, there were dishes just about everywhere, though luckily none of them had any food in them. Which meant, hopefully, no mice or rats or other goodies had come in smelling the crumbs. Maybe not even any bugs. His walls weren't quite as bare as mine, but not as absolutely covered as Leon's. He only had a few posters, mostly of some bands, but definitely not the sort that Leon listened to. Usually heavier musicians, black metal and the like. He had some...peculiar tastes.

Next I checked his windows, since his was the only room that had the ones that would actually open. At least he remembered to close them every morning before leaving. So the back rooms weren't totally freezing.

Last was under his bed. I was almost afraid to look. Dirty dishes, nasty smells, the possibilities were endless.

I ducked my head down and wrinkled up my nose, preparing for the stench that would inevitably be there. What I found, however, was just the opposite. It was half-way decently clean, except...

Except for the bin of clothes. It was strewn on the floor under the bed, clothes spilling out of it and the lid sitting somewhere else.

I furrowed up my brow, reached out, and pulled the bin out. It was half emptied, nothing but shorts and short-sleeved shirts left inside. I frowned.

Someone had been here. Recently.

**A/N**: _I would like to give a special thanks to mm, who never logs in but has left great reviews on every chapter so far_

_This chapter is an hour or so late, but I usually update between classes on Wednesday. Today I'm home for Thanksgiving, so I gave myself some more time to finish this chapter up. I wanted it to be longer, but this was a good place to stop. This chapter was easier to write, but for some reason I just couldn't get the motivation. Usually I either don't know what to write or how to write it, or I know exactly how I want things to go and can get most of the chapter done in a few hours. Not this time, for whatever reason._

_Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! Enjoy the break._


	9. No update!

_You probably guessed from the word count, but this update is just an author's note to let you guys know that I won't be updating this week :c I know, I'm sorry, I hate it when authors do this. But I'd rather let you guys know than just have you sit and wonder until two days later when everyone starts to figure it out. Unfortunately it is indeed that time of the year- finals. So far this week I've written two papers, one five page and one eight page. And it's only Tuesday! I have two more to do for next week, then one more for the week after that. All of this writing is kicking my butt, to put it mildly, and after sitting in front of a computer for hours on end bullshitting an essay, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting down in front of my laptop and writing even more, even if I do get much, much more enjoyment out of writing this fic than I do writing essays. Such is the life of an English major._

_The update for next week is still in the air. I might buckle down and get it typed up, or I might have an aneurism and let the school pay my medical bills while I skip the rest of finals. Who knows?_

_In the mean time, I would love it if you guys gave me some feedback on where you think this story is going, what you think will happen and what you hope will happen. Anything that hasn't really fit into previous reviews, I would love to see! Or reviews of previous chapters. Basically I need people to talk to me so I don't stroke out some time in the next two weeks._

_Wish me luck!_


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